Lost

Today, as I was walking back to my office late in the day, my cell phone rang. It was my Dad, who is nearly 87. He was calling from the retirement residence where he lives.

"Hi Dad, how are you today?"

"Steve, I am about ready to panic here!"

"What's wrong, Dad?"

"I have been looking around here all day, and I can't find your mother."

My Mom passed away in July of this year. And now, it was suddenly apparent that my Dad's mental decline had reached a new stage, a place none of us has been before.

"Dad, you know that Mom has been gone now for four months."

Silence.

"Dad, Mom is dead, she is in Heaven. She is not with us anymore."

"I know that!" (Pause) "But this morning she woke up and said she was going to go out to the front desk, and then she never came back. I have looked all over this place, and I can't find her."

"Dad, you are not making sense. Mom is no longer alive, and you just told me you saw her this morning. You don't have to look for Mom"

"I know she is gone. You took me to the place where she is at Forest Lawn, and I saw where she is buried...."

This kind of strange, circular conversation continued for about 15 minutes. Dad worried where Mom was, telling me of conversations he had with her today, and then me telling him again that she is gone. Over and over. Finally, I tried to reassure Dad that he did not need to worry, and that we would come over tomorrow to see how he was doing.

"Don't worry Dad, everything is alright, you don't need to worry about Mom, just rest now."

"Ok, sorry to have bothered you, I will do what you say" "Talk to you tomorrow, goodbye......."

I called the nurse at the retirement residence right away, and told her of our conversation. She immediately replied, "Your Dad is standing right outside my door, talking to our staff". I learned that this sort of confusion is typical for folks of my Dad's age, with mild to moderate dementia. Learning this was only slightly calming to me.

Today, my Dad said goodbye in a new way, in a way I was not yet ready for.

Keep an Eye on This

Something new!

This will be worth the reading. I promise.

Amazing Daughter

I underestimate people. And, I do it most often to those in my own family. I was reminded of this again this weekend.

Girls high school water polo season is upon us, and this weekend was the annual JV water polo tournament in our area.

Most days after work this time of year I pick Kelly, our oldest daughter up from water polo practice on the way home from work. I don't think much about what she is doing at practice; our conversation on the short ride home is more about the news of the day at school or home. We live in two worlds, it seems sometimes. I often grieve quietly over this; the loss of my little girl.

I learned again this weekend what a great kid lives in our house. She is no longer a little girl, but is becoming an amazing young lady.

Kelly plays "set" position for her team, which is basically the same thing as being a center in basketball. One difference though; in basketball you cannot spend more than three seconds in the key, and in water polo you can stay there as long as you like. However, your opponents do to attempt to DROWN you, while you are there!

I underestimate my girls every day, and this weekend proved this to me again. Kelly played four games over two days, had at least five assists and two goals. All this without drowning, even once. I am amazed at the character, determination, and toughness of my "little girl".

A little girl is gone. But what a wonderful journey we are on.

Attention Shoppers

If you want to know what to get me for Christmas, this is all I really want.

More on this later.

THIS is what Christmas is All About

Cyber Christmas Greetings

The house lights go off and the footlights come on. Even the chattiest stop chattering as they wait in darkness for the curtain to rise. In the orchestra pit, the violin bows are poised. The conductor has raised his baton. In the silence of a midwinter dusk, there is far off in the deeps of it somewhere a sound so faint that for all you can tell it may be only the sound of the silence itself. You hold your breath to listen. You walk up the steps to the front door. The empty windows at either side of it tell you nothing, or almost nothing. For a second you catch a whiff of some fragrance that reminds you of a place you've never been and a time you have no words for. You are aware of the beating of your heart…The extraordinary thing that is about to happen is matched only by the extraordinary moment just before it happens. Advent is the name of that moment. Frederick Buechner, Whistling in the Dark, pp. 2,3

Merry Christmas to All – From the Norris Family!

This life is a mystery, is it not? Each day we awake, gather ourselves, head off to work, school, community events, and life itself. And every year, as the Holidays approach, and almost assault us, we realize how fast the days and weeks go by, and turn into months, then years. A blur. And then, here we are, at the end of another year, wondering where the time went.

It would be nice to tell you of all the accomplishments our family as achieved this past year; the awards, the titles, the successes. But real life is not just about these things. So I think it best to tell you what is real, what matters, and what we hope will make a difference; the things that are really important in life. And so, this past year, for our family, below are the things that we hope will last.

Heather is now in the 7th grade, and is loving her teachers, friends, soccer, volleyball, softball (the most), and life itself. Almost 13, she is turning into a truly remarkable young lady, with a terrific sense of humor, and a heart of compassion for others. This past year, Heather has helped by involvement in the leadership of her Middle School, served lunch to homeless in Hollywood, and packed Thanksgiving boxes for needy families in LA. These are the things that are forming Heather into someone who treasures the things that matter most in life.

Kelly is almost 16 years old, and has seems to spend almost all her spare time studying - the life of a high school sophomore. In her spare time, she is on the JV girls’ water polo team at school, and loves it. In whatever time is left, she is asking to drive the car anyplace, as she now has her learners permit! This past summer, Kelly spent a week in Anchorage, Alaska with her youth group from church, where she helped at all sorts of odd jobs, including helping with vacation Bible School and clearing a hillside. Kelly always fills our home with laughter, song, and fun. When we think of Kelly, her most remarkable characteristic is “true friend” - something the world needs far more of. Kelly is amazing. These are the things in Kelly’s life that will last.

Nancy leads a life that is devoted to others, every day, without fail. Without her, the rest of us in our home would surely descent rapidly into chaos. Besides keeping our home organized (huge job!), she serves in the community in many ways, including leading the Mothers of Preschoolers program at church, and PTA at two schools. She is a caring friend, a loving mom, and a wonderful wife. Nancy is the heart of our home; this is what will truly last from our home. When I think of the persistent, relentless love of God, I so often think of my wife. Another true sign of God’s great care for us is our house guest/family member Jill Williams, who has graduated from Fuller Seminary, and awaits a call to a pastoral position.

For me (Steve), this past year has been one of new joys, exciting challenges, and bittersweet loss. My work continues to be fun and challenging. I have a great group of teammates at the office, and I am thankful for them, each day. This year, I was asked to participate in an Advisory Panel for the School of Intercultural Studies at Fuller Seminary. This is something that will hopefully make a difference for the Kingdom; this will last. In July, my mother, Betty, passed away after a short illness. Mom was 85 years old, and lived a full life. She was remembered by so many as an elegant lady, dear friend, and accomplished artist. Most importantly, she was my Mom, and the wife of Roland, my Dad, for almost 49 years. Dad and I give thanks for a long life lived graciously. Mom’s life is a legacy that will last.

In April of this year, we had the privledge to serve in a small way, in a completely different setting. We visited our good friends, the Hogg family, in New Orleans. Mike Hogg is the Pastor of Canal Street Presbyterian church, which suffered significant damage in Hurricane Katrina. We spent the week cleaning pews, gutting houses, pressure-washing sidewalks, and just loving our friends. Maybe, just maybe, serving in this way is something that will last. We had a blast!

These are the important things, for us, this year. And now, at Advent, along with the faithful through all of history, we join in the chorus….“Oh Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus”. Our world, all of us, need You so.

From all of us, Solo Deo Gloria,

Stupid Church Signs

Whilst in my car today in Santa Cruz (of all places!) for work, I spotted the above thought on the roadside sign of a Christian church. Oh please!

In Santa Cruz, no less. Epicenter of wacky behavior on the west coast.

I will not be attending this church, as I recall Jesus saying something like this.

Missional Lives

Yesterday, I am basking in the glory of the Bruin win over USC, watching college football highlights on ESPN - when I am caught unawares by this wonderful commercial by the good folks at Liberty Mutual. What if all of our lives were lead daily in this way? Take a look, and think about it, a lot, all week:

Gloating Unlimited

"All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming. "
- Helen Keller

"Victory belongs to the most persevering. "
- Napoleon Bonaparte

"In war there is no substitute for victory. "
- Douglas MacArthur




"Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory."
- George S. Patton




A note to "AllSeasons": Reveal thyself, or forever be scorned by this blog. Be ye a Bruin or nay, say so. Are ye a man, or a mouse?

UCLA 13 USC 9 Spoiler, Baby!!

Tiny Tim got new legs. The Swiss Army has more than a knife. The US Hockey team beat the Soviets. David kicked Goliath's butt, but this time with a football in one hand, and a sense of pride, determination, and courage in his heart.

Chalk one up for the little man. The kid with the limp, bad eye, and a funny high voice, was just admitted to Harvard. The plain girl who sits in the back of class and always looks at her shoes was named Prom Queen. The guy with the bad comb-over and belly paunch just made the cover of GQ.

From somewhere deep in their souls, the gutty little Bruins today accomplished what I thought was nearly impossible. Oh me, of little faith. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Bless me Father for I have sinned. I shall perform seven hail Coach Woodens, and an Our Bruin Father.

Today was a day that will live for many years in my catalog of great Bruin memories. For seven years, since 1998, the Sons of Westwood have wandered in the desert of Troy. Parched, helpless, lost. But today, we have seen the Promised Land.

Gloating? You bet! I have eight years to make up.

The Big Game and Snow in Hell

Its time for the Big Game.

But this year its not so big. And I am feeling morose. I would like to believe that the Bruins can overcome the steamroller that is SC, but I am also a pragmatist at heart. If the Bruins win, I suspect it will be a rather snowy day in Hell.

In this spirit, I give you excerpts from a classic column by the great sportswriter Jim Murray. This article was written in 1978, and I clipped it out, and hung it on the door of my dorm room. For months it was there, like an identity badge. People loved it. I still do:

"You all know the kind of school USC is. The girls are built like chorus girls. The boys are all Adonises. Their fathers are all rich. The all live in San Marino and the family works for Guaranty Trust and their biggest worry is the commodity market and where to park the Mercedes at the Opera. There families have always run things in this town and they all belong to fraternities where you have to prove you never drove a used car and you think Hoover was our greatest President. The get their first yacht at age 12."

"And they'll never have to lay pipe or pour cement or sweep floors or serve drinks or wear a hard hat and they'll go through life getting guys to open doors for them and take their hats. That's the public image of SC. Sons of riches. The First World. A very private university, a very private club. That's the image SC projects. Top hats, patrons of art, a Modigliana in the guest bathroom."

"UCLA on the other hand, suggest a whole bunch of people who are going to become, not judges, but storefront lawyers, or child psychologists or oboists in the Philharmonic, or delegates to the Democratic convention. If they go abroad, its with the Peace Corps, not the plutocrats and its Biafra, not Biarritz, If they ever get into the Cabinet, it would be in the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare. Undersecretary. They tolerate the football team because it brings in money for the Ban the Bomb rallies but they prefer volleyball and wish cardiologists got million-dollar contracts instead of guys who barely passed remedial english."

And so, we head to Saturday's game with a 13 point Vegas deficit to the Trojans. But in my mind, it might as well be 130 points. But I will take 21 points from Rob Asghar for a free lunch.

My two favorite teams? The Bruins, and whoever is playing against SC this week. And so, this Saturday is my college football planetary alignment. I so hope the Bruins win. But I also hope that world poverty would cease, that everyone in the Middle East would join hands and sing songs, that it would always be summer time, and that Pat Robertson would just shut up.

In the interest of borrowing from Jim Murray, and in deference to his amazing writing talent, I encourage you to go buy any books by him at Amazon.

Go Bruins!

Crusader Me

In an earlier life, I used to sing. Guess which one I am.

You may not guess the female.

Just Another Song, Just Another Old Church?

This morning a handful of kids stood in front of our aging urban church - in a sanctuary that shows its age, in a church torn by internal struggle over the past two years; now making its way toward an uncertain future. People trickled in, a bit late on the Sunday of a long holiday weekend. Young and old, rich and poor, needy and comfortable.

The singing began, a song from Alison Kraus, a theme on an old traditional:

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown Good Lord, show me the way!

Was it was just another Sunday, just another bunch of kids, just another song?

I looked around at those gathered around me:

- The elderly woman in declining health, for whom even coming to church is a great effort. Slow but purposeful steps toward an uncertain ending.

- The deaf woman with the wonderful smile and quiet servant heart, who comes each week and gladly serves the homeless lunch after church. From silence springs a heart willing to care.

- The otherwise "put together" young professional couple struggling to raise teenagers, who wonder if these strange stages of life have any purpose or meaning.

- The single office worker in her middle years, trying to understand where God is in the midst of her singleness, loneliness, and wondering. No words to heal this pain.

- The homeless man who has recovered his life as a result of a choosing a life of community and accountability, who now serves others from a place of understanding and compassion. A man redeemed.

- The tired and weary choir members, who have suffered emotionally from the painful and confusing church split, who might even wonder why they get up and come each Sunday. Is there grace in the midst of weary souls?

- The couple in their 80s, slightly bent over in their seats, who have faithfully served the church for more than 50 years, and are here again, to worship and serve, on this otherwise ordinary Sunday. Steadfast, giving, determined.

- and those sitting near the back of church, or maybe in the darkened corners, who come struggling with their sexuality, trying to figure out if God really loves them or not. Wanting to know.

O sinners let's go down,
Let's go down, come on down,
O sinners let's go down,
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown Good Lord, show me the way !

Just another song? Maybe.

But I think this. Not just a song. Rather, a connection between the ancient past and the modern present. An echo of someplace else, something greater. A taste of home for us all that seems far away, but yet is so much closer than we think. A moment of calm in the midst of the storms of life. A sacred place. A home.

Who Needs the Bling? Bruin Women Volleyball!

Today, my family took a trip to Westwood to one of the finest universities in the land. I, on the other hand took a trip down memory lane.

It has been 26 years since I trod the hills of Westwood. Down Bruin walk at 7 AM for a calculus class, back up in the afternoon to eat at the dorm (Hedrick Hall), and then back down in the evening to study till I could barely stay awake, then back up to the dorm to crash into my bed (or party a couple of hours!).

Those were great times. So long ago.

Fast forward 26 years. Marriage, kids, life. Today, we traveled to UCLA today to watch the Bruin lady volleyball team take on Oregon in their last regular season game of the year. The lady Bruins won again, in a three game sweep, their 19th of the year. On to the NCAA Tourney! Pictured at left is our younger daughter Heather , who has just started playing middle school volleyball, with UCLA Senior Nana Meriweather, after the game.

It is a joy to watch these girls play! This is college sports at its best, untainted by the lure of professional play, unmarked by prima-dona overgrown boys in tattoos attempting to impress pro scouts. No threat of professional ball here, just pretty much true sport. What a nice change. These young ladies will go on to lead largely normal lives, without all the money, fame, bling, and moral failure of many male college athletes. These women will become the future coaches, business women, lawyers, mothers, and other professionals our world needs. Largely unnoticed, but greatly valued. This is a good thing.

Go get 'em Bruin Volleyball Women. Hail to the Hills!

This Fair Land

If we are careful, we can listen and hear something important, abiding, and profoud from the past. As we rush to get the turkey in the oven, greet the guests from near and far, and settle in around the table, we need to take a minute to remember.

Remember where we came from.

For the past 45 years, the same two editorials have appeared each year on the Opinion Page of the Wall Street Journal.

The Desolate Wilderness, And The Fair Land

I have found, after some brief research, that, at least on one side of my family, I am an 11th generation American, tracing my family directly to the Carolinas in the period of the Revolutionary war. And so, these words, perhaps mean a bit more to me:

Being now passed the vast ocean, and a sea of troubles before them in expectations, they had now no friends to welcome them,
no inns to entertain or refresh them, no houses, or much less towns, to repair unto to seek for succour; and for the season it was winter, and they that know the winters of the country know them to be sharp and violent, subject to cruel and fierce storms, dangerous to travel to known places, much more to search unknown coasts.

Besides, what could they see but a hideous and desolate wilderness, full of wilde beasts and wilde men? and what multitudes of them there were, they then knew not: for which way soever they turned their eyes (save upward to Heaven) they could have but little solace or content in respect of any outward object; for summer being ended, all things stand in appearance with a weatherbeaten face, and the whole country, full of woods and thickets, represented a wild and savage hew.

I find it helpful to remember from whence I have come.

Today, might we remember that for some Providential reason beyond our understanding, we have been placed in This Fair Land. All is not perfect in this land, all is not fair, justice is not universal.

Woody and Billy (Not a Country Band)

My friend Rob Asghar recommended this.....quite amusing. Oh, the good old days, when even agnostics were tolerant and funny.

Miscellaneous Items; Fundamentalists and Failures

For some time, I have wanted to find helpful material for me to process my own thinking/struggling with the Muslim world and the mess our country finds itself in these days.

I have found help from someone I trust. My friend Julie has a post on an important voice in Islam who brings a form of clarity that is greatly needed. I think we should keep our eye on this. And, brace ourselves. I think we have not seen the worst of the radical Islamic movement yet.

Separately, but related are two bits on the whole Ted Haggard mess that really should be looked at carefully. My friend Mark Roberts has done a series on Ted Haggard and the burdens that pastors face.

And again, Julie, that energetic Bruin that she is, has written perhaps the very best thoughts on the set up for failure that the church creates in this piece "No Christian Cure....". Outstanding!

One more thing. James Dobson often makes me nuts. And here is another reason why. I would hope that should I commit a major moral failure (God forbid please!), that my friends would have the time to commit to standing beside me, and holding me up as I seek healing; no matter how ugly. Seems to me, I remember reading something about this once. Maybe, just maybe, Dr. Dobson might need to examine his busy calendar and see what priorities most embody the character of Christ. For me, standing beside a fallen friend is near the top of the list. But I am not as important, or influential, or busy, or famous....so perhaps I should just shut up.

There. I will.

Thanksgiving Prayer a Bit Early

This afternoon, our family had the privilege of serving at The Lord's Lighthouse, a home-grown community service of our church.

About 300 people; some homeless, some down on their luck, some chronically mentally ill, all from the streets of Hollywood, were served today. This happens every Sunday, all year long.

The memory I take away from this afternoon, and everytime I serve, is of the hands. Countless hands, reaching up. Dirty hands, dirty fingernails, weathered skin, holding up Styrofoam cups into which I pour cup after cup after cup of fruit punch and coffee. Hands worn rough by life, by loss, by frustration, by mental demons, by being lost or forgotten, or downtrodden. All those hands.

As we gathered to pray before lunch, a Thanksgiving Prayer by Ralph Waldo Emerson was read:

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.

I looked at my hands when I got home to my comfortable suburban home. They seemed clean. But, you know what? My hands are dirty too.

Thankfulness is relative. May I be truly thankful, and may I live a life of thanks that is overflowing and spills over to others.

Big Game Coming

There is a big college football game tomorrow. Let's just pretend this little doll is named Tommy Trojan.

I confess, that when it comes to anything Troy, I have a heart of darkness. Mea Culpa.

Stopping a Moment from the Rush

Today I flew to Sacramento for work; I will return home tomorrow. Today was a very full day, up at 5 AM to catch my flight, a large meeting at 10 AM on a complex government property, and off to look at other commercial sites around the city until the sun went down. I have noticed that when one flys from Southern to Northern California, a new phenomenon occurs. Seasons. Yes people, it is actually Fall up here. The reds and yellows on the trees up this way are remarkable. You want to pull over the car and just stop. And look. And wonder.

On a side note, I have recently been reading more frequently the blogs of my friends Rob and Julie, who have a more "deconstructionist" view of their faith than I. Their thinking does not scare me, or make me angry, or make me want to change their minds. I like their minds, they are using them well, as they should. They are both remarkable and amazing people. I am very glad I know them both, and count them as friends.

And so, this afternoon, I am in my rent-a-car, whizzing about Sacramento, when rather unexpectantly, I had a small epiphany. While stopped at a red light, I glanced to my left, and suddenly noticed a clump of trees in full Fall color, next to an office park. An otherwise typical suburban landscape. But here, a gentle wind was blowing through these brilliant Northern California trees. I watched, transfixed for several moments, as the wind rustled through the trees, shimmering, dancing, waves of red and yellow. I caught my breath, and remembered.

And then, the light turned green.

Who designed those trees, and the subtle and sublime golden sunset today? Who designed my sweet and loving wife, and my daugthers in all their teenage fury and passion? Who designed me, and put me at that traffic light in the middle of the day in the rush of traffic to silently wonder? Just for a moment; caught in time. I choose not to argue evolution or Darwinian Theory with you. I am not quite deconstructionist. But still, I wonder....Who?

Sara Groves wrote a song that speaks about the core of who I am:

I'm trying to work things out • I'm trying to comprehend • Am I the chance result • Of some great accident • I hear a rhythm call me • The echo of a grand design • I spend each night in the backyard • Staring up at the stars in the sky • .....• Maybe this was made for me • For lying on my back in the middle of a field • Maybe that's a selfish thought • Or maybe there's a loving God • • Maybe I was made this way • To think and to reason and to question and to pray • And I have never prayed a lot • But maybe there's a loving God •

Indeed. Maybe.

I think ....there is.

Concession Stands and the New Congress

Simply stated, I love Peggy Noonan. She has a way of writing that cuts to the chase with simple eloquence. She wrote for Ronald Reagan. Need I say more?

She has just written a piece for the Wall Street Journal that resonates with me completely. Go here to read it, I am not sure how much longer it will be at the top of the page at the free WSJ site. It is called "Concession Stand", if they take it down soon, you can still search for it at this free site.

My favorite bit:

At the end of the day, or the end of this day, I look at the new Congress and wish them so well, such luck. Don't you? I want to say: Go, Nancy Pelosi. Be the speaker of whom historians will write, in 2032, "This was her moment, here was the summit, here she found greatness."

Go, Democrats, be great and serious. Go, minority Republicans, refind yourselves. Go, conservatives.

To the freshmen: Walk in as if you're walking out. Put your heart on your sleeve and go forward. Take responsibility, and love America. No one will think less of you. They will in fact think more, as they do of politicians after the concession speech.

Where are all The Young People?

Recently, I received an invitation to attend a "Stewardship Lunch" at church. I know what this means. It means a box lunch for "church leaders", a chance to catch up with some friends, and then an hour long presentation about, of course, Stewardship - for the uninitiated, the giving of money.

We Presbyterians do this every year. Like someone may have forgotten what the point was last year! Sometimes, I would rather have oral surgery than go.

I could save this process a lot of time, and shorten the basic message to this: 1) We are a church, and order to operate, we need money, 2) Please give us your money; as much of it as you can, 3) Thank you, and please drive safely heading home.

They don't let me run these lunches. Can you guess why?

Anyway, during this event, I felt my mind wandering, and I took a moment to scan the room and take a quick inventory of the 80 to 100 people who were there; the "church leaders". As I have written before, our church is a wonderful mix of people, rich and not so rich, all colors of the rainbow, and a remarkable collection of faith stories.

But as I scanned the room, I saw one of the things I fear about our old, urban, mainline denomination church; an abundance of grey and colored-but-otherwise-grey hair.

Now mind you, I should talk. At 48 years old, I hardly even have any hair in the first place. But often, when attending events like this, I find myself having sort of semi-disembodied moments, when I try, for a moment, to mentally step out of the scene and take an inventory of who is there, why they came, and what motivates them to be a part of the scene in the first place. All these people, why are they here?

When I looked around this semi-and very-greying room, the thought that came thundering into my head, and then filled my heart with a cool wind was, "where the heck are all the Young People?". You know, the people under 40, under 35, or even under 30, for heavens sake! What are we going to build our church around in future years? Are we going to install hearing assistance devices in all the pews, and offer senior discounts to the Christmas pageant? Are future potluck dinners going to eventually transition to only pureed foods? Will we be issuing Clappers to turn on the lights?

Here is my problem. I think I read and think to much. For instance, this summer, I read a book that was formational in my thinking about the future of the Church. But guess what? This future church involves.....gasp!....younger people!

And where the heck were they when I was at the Stewardship Lunch. Not there, that is where. And why? Because I and the other leaders of our church have failed at reaching out, at building real, lasting, meaningful relationships with others, at being missional; we have hard slogging to do in the way of transforming ourselves. That includes me, Chief of All Sloggers. Tally ho!

Veteran's Day

Today is Veteran's Day. More than 60 years ago, my father, Roland Norris, served in the US Army Air Force. The photos to the left (click on them, they are pretty cool) are of my Dad; he was the real deal, a Captain, a training pilot, and a B17 Air Sea rescue pilot.

Today, it is not quite popular to celebrate heroes of conflict. I have no hesitation. I am thankful for, and proud of my Dad. Because he, and countless others served, our world has taken a safer path.

The Rush of Life - Personalized

'Too fast, Daddy! Slow down, slow dooown!"

"Too fast!" This is what my oldest daughter used to say when she was little, I would speed the car up to pass someone on the freeway. I have a problem with that - the whole too fast thing.

And my life is like that too. Poof! My daughters are almost 13 and 16, and how did that happen? And how did I get to be this age I am, and feeling so contemplative about my life and my family?

I recently received my first speeding ticket in about 20 years, for doing 50 in a 35 mile an hour zone. I so deserved it. I move way too fast. Sometimes, there is no stopping me.

And what for? I get up each day, shower, drive kids to school, stop in Starbucks, and off the to office, or meetings, or road trips for work, or flights out of town for more work. Then, each weekday night, its back home for dinner, more meetings (at church!) or in the community. And the sun sets, I go to bed, and get up and do it all over again.

Jackson Browne wrote a song many years ago that resonates in my head and defines my life these days:

I'm going to rent myself a house

In the shade of the freeway

I'm going to pack my lunch in the morning
And go to work each day
And when the evening rolls around
Ill go on home and lay my body down
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Ill get up and do it again
Amen
Say it again
Amen

Now, perhaps this is reason why I have found The Monastery on TLC to be such a fascinating program. This show follows five men who visit Christ in the Desert monastery for 40 days, each in a separate and personal pursuit of God.

What is remarkable to me about this program is the juxtaposition between the five visiting men and the monks of the monastery. It is Old World versus New. Secular versus Sacred. Fast Lane versus dirt road. Wait. Make that dirt path.

As I watch the lives of the monks, my heart feels strangely warmed. I sense a depth of spirituality and longing that my own life lacks.

The Rush of Life

I find this video to be completely fascinating. More on a theme from this is found in the post above.

Sitting Down and Remembering

Yesterday, I went to a place that most of us do not want to go. I paid a visit that was overdue, an obligation of sorts, and a way to honor my Dad. As both of my parents have both requested no memorial service, this was the first semi-formal way that Dad and I have had to remember Mom together.

Yesterday my Dad and I went for a visit to the Mausoleum niche where my Mom's ashes have been placed. Mom passed away just more than three months ago. I wrote about it earlier here and here.

It was about a 20 minute drive to Forest Lawn, and Dad spent much of the time reminiscing of the old days, talking about friends from his work and social life of 30 and 40 years ago. This is what those familiar with gerontology refer to as "life review". My Dad does a lot of life review these days.

As we drove through the gates of Forest Lawn, my Dad began to remember the resting places of old friends, relatives and family members who had also been buried there, years ago. Being with Dad is often like having your own personal family historian. Nothing about the current state of affairs of the world, or about what is going on in the life of our family now, but much about the events of the period from 1930 to 1980. He usually starts in on the old days about 2 minutes after you stop in to see him. Every time.

We arrived at the "Colubarium of Blessedness" (I love these names) where Mom's ashes are contained. Her resting place is right next to the door and was easy to find. She is in the same section as my Dad's brother Neil (who is a story in himself, but that is for another time). Mom's niche is right at ground level, and one must either bend down to read the plaque, or simply sit on the floor. At this point, something interesting happened. Dad chose to get down on one knee, and then sit on the floor right in front of Mom's niche.

For me, this was a most interesting and touching moment. My Dad is the person whom I have spent the better part of the past 20 years trying to understand and compensate for in my own life. I guess we all do this, figuring out how we are different from and the same as our parents. There we were, father and son, 48 and 86 years old, one standing, one sitting on the floor at the resting place of our wife and Mother. Two generations. Dad needed to be close to Mom in a way, I guess.

Dad needed time to sit, and think, and even talk to himself a bit about the loss of his wife of almost 50 years. More in the long process of grieving. Sitting on the floor and remembering at 86.

I helped Dad slowly to his feet, we got in the car, and headed home.

This life, this journey, this mystery we share. Father and son.

Something Entirely Brand New

I found something that is very important, and I think it bears linking here. There is a lot going on in these ideas, and I want my pastor friends to go read this.

What if God wants the future to look entirely different than the past? What if?

Oh, to view life with the eyes of a child again!

Christian or Christ Follower?

I am with the guy on the right.

My Halloween Issues

Now that its over, and not wanting to be a party pooper, I have to admit, I am getting to a place in life where I dread Halloween each year.

The reason; Halloween is not at all like it used to be. When I was a kid Halloween consisted of one night spent dressing up like your favorite TV character, scary person, or Super Hero, and running around the neighborhood fetching candy. One year I was a member of the Beatles (I think I was Ringo). Another year I was a robot, complete with a cardboard box outfit. The neighborhood bully saw me, and dressed as some form of low budget gool, pushed me and my unstable outfit over into the neighbor's ivy. Perhaps that was when I started disliking all the dressing up and cavorting for sugar.

Nowadays, Halloween feels like it is careening out of control. According to a study by the National Retail Federation, consumers are expected to spend $5 billion this Halloween, up significantly from $3.3 billion in 2005. That is an increase of 51% in one year! Halloween now ranks as the biggest decorating holiday of the year after Christmas. Two thirds of consumers planned to purchase Halloween décor and half planned to decorate their home or yard, the federation’s study found.

This yard decorating thing is also getting out of hand. We have several neighbors in our area that put more effort and money into Halloween decoration of their homes than they do Christmas. So then, let me get this straight, a holiday that gets its origins from the Celtics and Druids is now ramping up to surpass the birth of Christ for spending.

Call me a balding, pudgy, middle-aged conservative white guy from the suburbs, but I feel a bit weird about the spiritual future of our land.

Do We Have Souls?

About 10 days ago, I was returning home from a business trip to the Bay Area, and spotted this article in U.S.News & World Report in the airport newsstand. I grabbed the magazine (paid for it, yes) and then hurried to my flight home, weary from a long day.

It was a breathtaking fall evening, as I flew home about 7PM. The sunset out the window seat was every color imaginable of orange, yellow, gray and blue. I was reminded of this verse, as I opened the article on "Science and the Soul", my eyes filled with tears of thankfulness for what God had created right outside my window at 41,000 feet.

After reading, I can only advise every pastor I know to spend some time, and look this article over. Warning: it is not an endorsement of Christian orthodoxy. However, this piece is wonderfully well done, and presents a number of interesting perspectives about developments in the science of consciousness.

I found reading about the competing ideas concerning present understanding of the human soul to be almost a form of a spiritual exercise. This article mentions quantum physics, Buddhism, Platonism, Augustine and Calvin, all together. Another resource mentioned is the Center for Spirituality and the Mind, at the University of Pennsylvania. I also remembered how a psychiatrist friend told me recently, "the things we know now about the human brain, were largely unknown even 10 years ago".

In retrospect, there are lots of new ideas here, and many different brilliant minds trying to grasp the inner workings of the mind, even at the microscopic level. For some more conservative Christian folk, all this thought and science might seem too theoretical and threatening. Not so for me; I love reading and learning. My favorite bit about Oxford physicist Roger Penrose:

"....Penrose proposed that consciousness was a quantum computation within the brain, and infinitesimal collapse of quantum information into classical information that takes place at the level of the neurons."

And people say there is no God.

TLC - The Monastery

This looks like it might be good television! I just spotted this series yesterday, and will be watching the second episode tonight. Here is the TLC web site for the series; lots of good information.

Golfing For Jesus, First Presbyterian Honolulu

I have found my calling. I have heard the voice of the Lord! And I am bringing my clubs.

Pictured at left is the Koolau Golf Club in Kaneohe, Hawaii. Located just northeast of Honolulu, Koolau is an 18 hole course known as one of the toughest courses in the nation.

And now, to my glee, its a CHURCH too, baby! I am not making this up.

It seems that First Presbyterian Church of Honolulu has just purchased this golf course. This is just about the best news I have heard in years. Its a golf course, a club house, a restaurant, a catering business, and a place to deepen your faith. Its in Hawaii, for heaven's sake! Could things possibly be any better than this?

I heard this story from a good friend at my church, who just visited the new and improved First Pres Honolulu. My friend, who is in her "golden years" said she heard a wonderful sermon and enjoyed meeting the warm people of this congregation. She reported that after the Sunday service she went to find the ladies room and discovered, on her way back that, "the clubhouse bar was really rockin'!". This is my kind of place.

Astronomers tell us that wormholes in space may lead us to a parallel universe. Given this, I am convinced that somewhere on this golf course there exists a wormhole leading directly to Heaven. This is too good to be true!

I plan on finding the portal to Glory; I think its near the 12th green, in the rough.

If You Love Me...

Friends, family members, sycophants.

If you love me, you will buy me this for Christmas; a Dwight Shroot Bobblehead (from The Office).

I don't ask for much.....

Still in the Healing Business

One week ago, our church had its annual retreat weekend. I wrote about attending this event a year ago here.

Our church has had a tough go of it over the past 18 months, suffering a most painful split, resulting in the resignation/dismissal of two pastors. It felt like living through the most embarrassing moments of Christendom; a modern version of the Crusades, with all the drama but no dead bodies. Certainly some very wounded souls, though.

After last weekend though, I have been reminded of something elemental to my faith. God can, and does, heal even the grossest of scars. I am very thankful. He is beginning the process of healing in our hurt souls, if we will let Him.

Over the course of two days, we heard from a young couple with two little children who have, in the past year, found in our church a place of welcome, belonging, and home.

We heard from a Korean seminary student who as struggled with depression, who has found our congregation of place of grace and support and love.

And then, we listen to the gentle voice of a woman who has been a part of our church for more than 50 years. Her husband has passed now, but she continues, in her "third trimester" of life to love, and care, and serve and laugh, and life.

Our speaker was this guy, who is a good and faithful man.

Amazingly, God still heals, still involves himself in our pathetic, self absorbed lives.

Still. I am thankful.

The Huge Answer - What People Really Want

“All people really want is God”. That was the answer to the question posed by my friend. That is all. And yet,there is so much more to that answer.

God. The Lord.

Images come to mind of a giant bellowing figure, suspended in space, waiting to smite us all. Or perhaps a somewhat bemused and detached Santa Claus-like fellow, slightly amused at the folly of our lives. Or maybe a tired and haggard old celestial fellow, who is too tired, detached, or fed up to communicate with his Creation. We all have different images, for each one of us, they are unique. Perhaps images of long-ago Sunday school Bible figures with flowing white beards, wearing brightly colored robes and bad looking sandals.

What image do you have of God? Is it from your childhood, standing inside a cathedral and being awed at the color, and smells, and somber expressions of those around you? Or maybe a few years later, from when you were a teen or in your twenties and discovering the richness of the world; and found yourself in that same sacred space, and saw the same things, smelled the same smells, and then thought to yourself, “this religion is all a load of crap”.

The Lord. Maybe what comes to mind is nothing. A void. The blackest of nights. The feeling in the pit of your stomach that comes when you loose someone dear, and there is no replacement. You are suddenly more alone than you were just a short time before. Darkness.

Maybe you have felt these things. I have felt them all. And yet, there is more than just this. More soon....

The Huge Question

I heard this question asked today, by a dear friend, who I have known for many years.

At the moment it was asked, I felt as if I had experienced something very elemental, very deep, and strangely, sometimes hard to answer.

His question: “What is it that people really want?” This question was far bigger than it seemed. As big as the universe, really. And astronomers are still undecided on the answer to that one.

It was not a question about physical needs, or possessions, nor about one’s place in life, or the acceptance of peers, or of emotional security. This question lies at the very core of who we are. Why we are here on this beautiful blue planet floating in space, and what our lives really mean. This question, of what we really want is, at the same time very existential, and yet real, very earthy. Very vague, and yet so tangible. You can almost feel and sometimes even see this question, there at the core of every person.

Its there, just below the surface, this need. So we do our best to hide it, to make ourselves look like we don’t have any questions, and that our lives are nice, and clean, and put together. But, there is this longing inside us all. Deep down. Inside.

“What is it that people really want?” We spend so much of our time avoiding and repressing this question. We don’t want to deal with it at all. Its like this enormous mess in the basement. Its been there for years, and we just don’t want to deal with it. Its large, and tangled up, and cleaning it up would take far too much time and emotional energy, because inside that pile of basement stuff are things about our past, present, and future that we just don’t want to deal with. So we ignore it. We never go down to the basement, its dark, sort of cold, and feels like a forgotten place. We avoid it.

More soon…..

Which Church Would You Pick?

My wife and I just finished watching "Is God Green" on PBS. I have one primary prevailing thought, and its not about the complicated intersection of global warming, Christian ethics, and political conviction.

Its about which church I would want to go to. I believe in the Missional Church, big time. Given this, it is my conviction that people who have never been drawn to the church will often be drawn by what we do in the world, rather than within the walls of the church.

Now, from what I saw, I would rather be a part of what is happening with the folks of the Vineyard Church in Boise, than with the folks from ICES. You see, I don't spend my weekdays with church folk, the types at ICES (who seemed to have genuine thoughts and hearts, but, as a group, seemed to me to be rather, well, constipated). Instead, most of my days are spend with all kinds of people from the real regular world and business world, many of whom never darken the door of a church.

To me, this PBS show was, in part, about the warmth and contagious nature of a congregation.

If some of my friends who are not "churched" found out that my church was going to "tend God's garden" by planting trees or cleaning up the city park or some such thing, I think they would be much more interested in coming along, than they would be in coming to church.

And maybe, just maybe after meeting some of my believing friends (many of whom are a blast to be with and damn funny), they might, someday, want to come spend time with us all at our church. And maybe after, even come over to our house for dinner. Then, we could debate the merits of global warming, while drinking something smooth and warm.

Just maybe. Maybe this is what the church needs to be more like.

Alright, The Truth

Its time I confessed. Last week, I posted that I was on a business trip. Some of you might have been suspicious of the timing, given recent world events.

I guess I should tell the truth; see photo at left. Its me and the Dear One.

Thanks, Eric.

Clear the Streets!

Today, our lives entered a new phase. Our 15 year old, began driving.

She went down to the Costco parking lot tonight with her mom, to practice just putting the van in gear and trying out the gas and brake. It was a thrill-seeking task for my wife. Apparently there were several close calls involving inanimate objects, such as parking bumpers and the exterior concrete wall of Costco itself. I am thankful that my wife and daughter did not make the evening news... "Teenage driver goes on first-drive rampage! Film at 11!"

Soon, before we know it, she will be driving off...away from us, to a new life, college, career, and the path in life she chooses for herself, hopefully with a bit of guidance from Mom and Dad. May we be parents full of grace, love, and hope. May we listen well, speak seldom, and not get coronaries teaching her to drive.

I Love My Job

On a quick business trip.

I could tell you what I do for a living, but I would have to kill you afterward. Or maybe kill myself, and then take your camera from you.

Echo of Genesis, A Modern Icon of Faith

This is an image taken by the COBE satellite, which portrays the background radiation from the Big Bang, or Genesis, if you will (I may have just ticked off scads of biblical innerantists, but I will sleep well tonight). This photo has been dubbed by the press as "the face of God".

Today, there was a wonderful editorial in the Wall Street Journal, entitled "Echo of Genesis", which discussed the history of the theory of the Big Bang, and the recent award of the Nobel Prize in Physics. The author of the article, Michio Kaku, a professor of physics at City University of New York pointed out:

"....in 1965, Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson were scanning the heavens with the huge Holmdel Horn Radio Telescope in New Jersey, which picked up a pesky background "noise" that filled the sky. They were mystified, and even thought this annoying static might be due to bird droppings on the telescope. Later, it was pointed out to them that this spurious noise was probably the residual radiation from the creation of the universe, predicted by Gamow. (Remarkably, this echo from the Big Bang makes up a significant fraction of the static you hear on the radio. You literally pick up signals from Genesis itself every time you spin the radio dial. And if we somehow had eyes that could see microwave radiation, we would see this radiation come out every night, filling the night sky with a soft, faint glow.)"

And then, right after I read this editorial, I turned on my laptop and found this web site, which I have mentioned before here. These things are connected, in a strange and mysterious way - physics and faith, the Big Bang and being better and more genuine as evangelists, listening with gigantic telescopes and the simple act of listening in prayer. And each night, as we step outside, we don't know it, but we are, all of us, every last one, bathed in the invisible glow from Genesis itself.

If only we would allow God to show us new ways to explain this amazing story, so that it might become real to those around us who have not yet experienced the glow of Genesis, in the person of Jesus.

Free Hugs and The Church

Showing below is the latest Internet craze, the Free Hugs video.

I just have one question. What would our churches look like if we offered a lot more free hugs; particularly we Presbyterians?

Free Hugs

Sarah Mclachlan Redux, Kingdom Values

The Replacement Trinity and Living Richly?

Yesterday I had lunch with a long time business associate who happens to work for Citibank. During our meal, I mentioned how much I used to enjoy the old Citibank print ad campaign entitled "Live Richly". The entire mood of this advertising campaign, to me, seemed entirely counter cultural, and if you will, so "non-banker like".

The theme, you may recall, was basically to point out that money is, after all, not what life is all about. Family, relationships, experiencing the blessings of life really matter more, Citibank seemed to be telling us.

And now, after pondering the thoughts of Eugene Peterson in "Eat This Book", I think I might understand a bit better what was going on in my upper class consumer American mind as I viewed those billboards. To quote Peterson,

"Our new class of spiritual masters is composed of scientists and economists, physicians and psychologists, educators and politicians, writers and artists. They are every bit as intelligent and passionate as our earlier church theologians and every bit as religious and serious, for they know what they come up with has enormous implications for everyday living."

And so, maybe one reason I loved those billboards is that they endorsed my dual lifestyle, one foot in this world, and one foot that wants to be in the Kingdom world. In short, Citibank was offering me platitudes about the things I valued most.

This final observation was confirmed at the close of my lunch. My friend said to me, "Know what, we (Citibank) have ended that ad campaign. It didn't really sell our products like we thought it might."

So, Citibank dumped the concept of Living Richly. But I remember something about a life that is really rich. I need to think more about what that means.

My Replacement Trinity, Part Deux

This stuff won't leave me easily.....

More from Eugene Peterson:

"The new Holy Trinity. The sovereign self expresses itself in Holy Needs, Holy Wants, and Holy Feelings. The time and intelligence that our ancestors spent on understanding the sovereignty revealed in Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are directed by our contemporaries in affirming and validating the sovereignty of our needs, wants and feelings."

"I train myself to think big because I am big, important, significant. I am larger than life and so require more and more goods and services, more things, and more power. Consumption and acquisition are the new fruits of the spirit."

Wait. No fair. How did this fellow who lives in Montana crawl inside my head and look around and see everything just as it is?

I like to have my needs met. I am an only child, after all. I enjoy things laid out for me, my way. I own my own little company for heavens sake. What I say around the office goes. My way or the highway, baby. I am in charge.

But to hear my world described so clearly is both clarifying and haunting at the same time. Clarifying, in that I can sit back and say a resounding "Yes! I am just like that!" Haunting in that when I hear my world described this way, I know that my world is largely in conflict to the world that God is attempting to create. Its a world ordered as He desires, not as I, well, want.

“I can see how it might be possible for a man to look down upon the earth and be an atheist, but I cannot conceive how he could look up into the heavens and say there is no God.” -Abraham Lincoln

My Replacement Trinity

I have had this idea stuck in my mind for about two weeks now, and it won't easily let me go. I should talk about it here, as this blog is often a form of personal catharsis.

Eugene Peterson has a new book out, and the idea in my mind really belongs to Eugene, but it haunts me still. A lot.

The idea is Peterson's concept of "The Replacement Trinity". It is, if you will, a form of the modern American cultural trinity.

Hear Eugene out on this:

"The three person Trinity that we have learned of since we were kids, or heard about from our friends who go to church, has been subtly replaced. The New Trinity is a personal trinity; of my Holy Wants, my Holy Needs, and my Holy Feelings. This is the way we are taught. By the time we can hold a spoon, according to Peterson, we can choose between half a dozen cereals for breakfast. Clothes, hairstyle, deodorant, toothpaste, our identity in society; we choose all of these things. So really, as we become adults, we learn that whatever we need and want is the Divine control center of our lives. And so, the concept of the Replacement Trinity is developed."

If I am honest, there is a struggle at the center of my heart and soul between the real Trinity and the Replacement Trinity. More on this later.

Hope, Life, Renewal and Joy

Just over a year ago, tragedy hit New Orleans. And, on Sunday September 10th, 2006, the photo to the right (click photo to enlarge) was taken, at Canal Street Presbyterian church in New Orleans.

The looks on the faces here made my day, particularly after our visit with these dear people five months ago. I even pressure-washed the steps that these good, faithful, and determined folks are standing upon!

Not everything is fixed in New Orleans, not by a long shot. A very very long shot. Much needs to still be done, and all of us must remember the people of New Orleans and the area in our prayers, and with our wallets.

However, this photo proves something I mentioned here after we visited:

Isaiah 58:11

The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and

will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called

Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.