Beauty Beyond My Comprehension

This past weekend, Nancy & I ditched civilization and went here. Yosemite. We were here to celebrate 20 years of marriage, marked officially on October 29th.

We had a wonderful time, walking, talking, resting, eating, hiking the Mist Trail. Yosemite Valley is from 1,500 to 2,000 feet below the cliffs that surround it, and as a result, the primary feeling one comes away with after a very short time is that of smallness. Littleness; insignificance.

The grandness and beauty of that place is staggering, large, and overwhelming, all at once. For me, standing in a meadow or among the trees on the valley floor, and looking up, put my life in sudden perspective. I spend my days often thinking that I am large, and in charge. I think I can handle things. But when I am placed in a location that forces me to look up in order to appreciate the immense beauty around me, a renewed sense of perspective sets in.

It is I who am small, dwarfed by the sheer beauty of Creation around me, and humbled to the point of a loss of speech when considering the mystery of the Creator of it all. When first passing through the Wawona Tunnel, the primary emotion I feel is that of just wanting to sit and weep, in awe of what lays before me. To get out of the car and just look, seems, well, so small an offering.

A recent article I recently read struck a chord in my spirit in relation to the beauty I experienced this past weekend:

What more, you may ask, do we want? … We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words—to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it. —C. S. Lewis, "The Weight of Glory"


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How Do I Say This?

Lately, there are these ideas drifting in and out of my head.

These thoughts have been there now for some time, wandering in and out of my days and nights, and I have been pondering how to get them out in writing. Thoughts about Our Purpose, the meaning of life, if you will. Why I am here on this planet, and what it all means.

These are thoughts about the deep waters that run through our lives, about moments that capture us breathless and speechless, and wondering what just happened in our souls. These are the thoughts that epiphanies are made of, ideas that make lasting memories.

And yet, it seems that we often spend so much of our time in places where the water is very shallow and warm. We like it there, its easier to stand and not really think. The little waves feel good against our ankles. No deep water for us.

This is my first attempt to sort through it.

Perhaps this sort of this thing happens when one hits mid-life. As I am now well into my 50th year, I often find myself at mid-point; reflecting on my own childhood and growing up, and at the same time wondering what the future will hold. Where am I going, and how will it feel? Over the past several years I have stood bedside as both of my parents have passed; fading from life slowly. At the same time, I have been learning to adjust to the changes occurring in the two beautiful daughters. Soon they will be leaving our home, and spreading their wings in a world that, to me, often feels hostile and emotionally barren.

How will they fair, how will I? Where have we come from, and to where are we headed?

At the center of this wondering, in the middle of this in-between, there is Hope. There is Grace, and there is deep Peace. I have found my relationship with Christ to be the only thing that connects the dots, that renders meaning to my wonderings, and that sustains me on the journey.

Next, what role does Beauty play in my faith.

Remembering - Veterans Day

Today is Veteran's Day. My Dad was a veteran, and I am forever thankful. Deeply thankful.

This morning on NPR I heard THIS. It is simply wonderful. Make sure you click "Listen Now", the music is completely perfect.

A Blessing

For anyone with teenage girls, this is wonderful.

Now What Will They Do?

We have a new President. I did not vote for him, but I will be praying Mr. Obama and his family. Perhaps this is an era of new hope, I hope the Democrats can lead with humility, the Republicans certainly did not.

A young teenage friend of mine posted this on his Facebook today. It made me laugh, there is is a bit of truth in this. If you can't laugh at yourself......

Vote

Listen to this guy:

The Grand Decline Explained

I am in Boston this weekend for a conference. While here, we were presented with a short video that explains, rather completely, what has been happening in our economy over the past several years.

Please note, there is a comment about why "no one ever asked what these properties were worth". That is what I do; tell people what their properties are worth. Mind you, no one ever asked me, or those who share my profession, during the past several years, what these properties were worth.

I present you with the British humor of Bird & Fortune:

Of Daughters, and Dancing, and Liberation

Almost two years ago, our then just 13 year old sat at our dinner table one early spring night and told us that she was "done" with public school. Done. Her grades were fine, she was involved in sports, the play, and student leadership. But she was weary from the effort, and wanted something different - and not just another four years at South Pasadena High School.

Wait. Done? We moved to our town 20 years ago because of the great public schools! What about those property taxes I grudgingly pay each year? THAT was what was supposed to secure a good education for my girls. Older Daughter was seemingly happy in a good public school system, and likely college bound. What was going on here? Private school? What tha...? This was not in The Plan.

You know The Plan. That's the script we all write for ourselves in our heads, whether we admit it or not. We are all fiction writers, planning out our lives in minute detail; the friends we will keep, the places we will live, the comforts we will have, the lack of pain, complete health, laughter, no troubles. Even the wonderful, trouble free public schools our kids will attend.

That was my Plan, this is my reality. Private school.

And so, we are now in a private parochial school, and an all girls school to boot. All girls, no boys. And after just a short time, all I can say, is, for our daughter, thank you Jesus, for a choice.

Now mind you, I am very aware that my daughter is going to a school for Very Privileged Young Ladies. She is spending time in an elite class of girls for whom there is very little need, or what. This will be something we will need to keep constantly in focus, given that we live in a world crying with need.

However, this past week I got to be a part of two events that were very helpful in my understanding of where our daughter might be going on this journey of high school and beyond.

Wednesday night was the annual Father Daughter Dance. For most high school girls, this event might have the potential to be massively embarrassing. You know, something on the scale of Cinderella goes to the Ball with Quasimodo. Or Dwight Shrute. But not this school, and not these girls. This was an evening of unbridled fun; dinner, conversation, and of course, dancing. Watching girls dance with their Dad's was a study in unbridled joy. This was not your Father's Father Daughter dance, either. This was a wonderful celebration of being a girl. And us Dad's were privileged to participate. Submitted below is grainy video evidence of a fun time:




My favorite - the Father Daughter Dance Contest. Needless to say, we did not make the finals.

And then, on Saturday night, I showed up at school for a ComedySportz event at school. Without too much explanation, this is all about comedy improv, and its all girls, no boys.

As I sat in the dark, in the midst of my middle age and raising teenage girls, I thought to myself how good it is there are still such things as private, religious girls schools. These girls making jokes and doing skits up on the stage are being liberated from a society that would like them to fit in little girl-shaped boxes.

This, my friends, is a good thing.

Sick of Politics, Try John Adams

The Problem
I don't know about you, but I am just about fed up with this election.

Recently, I wrote a note to a friend via Facebook and this is what I said:

"Right now, I am fed up with both sides in this election. Really. And its politics as usual in DC, in the midst of the greatest financial crisis in 50 years, those turds on the Hill passed a bail out bill ( needed, at its core) laden with something like $50 - $100 Billion in more pork. I could scream. Enough blame on BOTH sides of the isle. See my recent blog post quoting Peggy Noonan, she nailed it.

Anyway, here is my choice come Nov. 4th:

One one side - Old guy, veteran, patriot, who made a risky and really quite dense VP pick (she can see Alaska from her house!) He has an angry streak in his personality that is scary. Sometimes I wonder if he gets what is going on. I respect him greatly, but do not feel comfortable with his ability to lead from the center. I am completely disappointed, but I may have to vote this way out of fear of........

The Other Guy. Young handsome guy that talks....a LOT in vague generalities, and has very little experience, save "community organizing". He is a good speaker, but not our Savior, which, I fear many think he actually is. I fear his near complete incompetency in things financial and foreign. Feels like Jimmy Carter all over again. Lets hold hands and talk to Iran. Please. This worries me greatly.

I really do not know what to do. I voted for Bush twice too. I think Bush is looking more like nearly clueless daily, his lack of leadership during the Wall Street Meltdown was stunning. BUT I know differently from good friends, who spent an extended period of time with him just recently, that he is a good and decent man. He is not evil.

Neither are either of these candidates. I cannot tolerate the talking heads on TV, and the wave of negative ads. It makes me sick.

God help us, every one."

The Anecdote
We have recently rented the HBO series "John Adams" on DVD. In a time in which cynicism about politics is everywhere, I can think of nothing more moving than taking the time to remember the intelligence, tenacity, courage and patriotism of our Founding Fathers.

Watch this series, and you will very likely agree with me - the founding of our nation was a miracle. What a long way down and away from that beginning we have decended.

Advent Conspiracy

We interrupt the financial crisis to think about something of great importance.

A different kind of Christmas. Only 70 more days to think about this.

Think about it, and watch the video below. I am thinking, and praying.

The Abyss, The Decline, and Our Souls

Kyrie eleison!
Lord, have mercy upon us!

Christe eleison!
Christ have mercy upon us!

These are the opening words to "Missa Solemnis", Beethoven's Mass in D Minor. In this majestic piece, the choir and soloists seem to nearly burst out of their collective souls in the opening chorus. This is a moment of stunning musical surprise; and it leaves you with a glimpse of something from beyond our world. Something grand, and ominous, and massive.

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.

Over the past several weeks, I have often felt like we have been witnessing something grand, ominous, and far beyond our control. The complete turmoil in world financial markets has felt like a massive earthquake that seems not to stop. This is large, it is beyond the futile attempts of we little people to contain.

After some thought, I think I might know part of what it is that feels so large, and oppressive, and frightening about the financial shock. There is a sound that accompanies all of this; the sound of something overwhelmingly large being dropped from a great height. A massive Dull Thud.

That dull thud is the sound of our own greed finally hitting bottom. It has come back to haunt us, with a vengeance. For the past decade or so we have built our housing economy on two things; vacuous promises from greedy lenders (enabled by ethically confused politicians in DC), and our own sense of entitlement to the American Dream - even if we could not afford it. And painfully, many of us could not. And our souls hurt as a result.

I have a good friend who lives on a modest income, and does the best he knows how to be a good steward with the money he has been entrusted with. Several years ago, his family bought a home in the suburbs of Los Angeles - now the epicenter of the mortgage melt down. At the time he was getting his loan, the Loan Officer (from Countywide!), offered him an Adjustable Rate Mortgage, saying to him, "Man, your family NEEDS this!" My friend sought the counsel of family and friends, all who told him to avoid this form of mortgage. That was his experience with the Greedy Lenders.

My friend choose not to take the ARM loan, and instead went with a boring 30 year fixed loan. Higher rate, higher payments, no vacuous promises of a happy future that he could not afford. This friend avoided the other half of the mess in which we find ourselves. This good friend did not feel entitled to the American Dream. He was willing to forego instant satisfaction, and end up with a house he could actually afford. He was wise. Unfortunately, hundreds of thousands of Americans were not.

And now, we are living with the results of our greed, and need for instant gratification. This will take a long time to work out. And, hopefully, this experience will help us reset our moral compass. That is my prayer.