Verbal Strategery

In our home, we have the unmitigated joy, and sometime near complete craziness of living with two daughters, one age 12 and the other 15. Could one want anymore from life? I think not.

As our oldest daughter Kelly matures, it seems her brain is sometimes caught in an interesting place; the limbo between childhood and becoming an adult. It is a strange and wonderful time indeed, full of a swirl of strange emotions and feelings, new discoveries, and internal conflicts. Going along with this is the great need to, as psychologists have termed it "individuate", or become their own person. It is not easy to be a teen today, on so many different levels. For more on adolescent brain development, read this great book.

One of the most hysterical parts of this season of life is the verbal confusion that occurs in the teenage brain. Case in point, from the Kelly Norris and Friends dictionary of...

Those Darned Substitute and Confusing Words

"Confession Stand" is confused with Concession Stand - is this a place where you can confess your sins, and THEN order two hot dogs, a pretzel and a Diet Coke. I am thinking about a joint venture between the Dodgers and Roger Mahoney.

"Tabolism" is confused with Metabolism - as in "I am sorry, but my tabolism is too slow to eat that hot dog and still feel hungry in an hour, Cardinal".

"Organtic" is confused with Organic. "Darryl Hannah is in favor of tree sitting until the organtic farmers get the land they do not own. Joan Baez is handing out organtic treats to the protesters.

"Camel Flage" is confused with Camouflage. This may actually work currently in some Middle Eastern settings; "The Al Qaeda terrorists were caught by US intelligence officers (near the oasis) who were disguised as camels, in, of course, Camel Flage.

T.P. - as in Toilet Paper. Kelly and her friends had never heard that T.P. actually stands for toilet paper. "Whooaa....is THAT that T.P. stands for?!" Shocking.

and my personal favorite....

"Extortion" - confused with the spiritual gift of exhortation. Kelly recently told us that one of her self-perceived spiritual gifts was extortion. With this knowledge, I am planning to quit my day job, and live in hiding in Costa Rica, collecting income via clandestine wire transfer from the spiritual gift of my oldest daughter. Please do not inform the authorities, thank you.