Sunday, December 17, 2006

Warning! Abducted Parents!

Alright. I have to get this off my chest.

I am bothered by a growing trend among many of the Christmas "family pictures" we get each year in the mail.

The trend: missing parents.

If I am to believe what I see in our Christmas card photos, our country is slowly evolving toward families consisting entirely of children only.

It seems that there is a strange pattern developing in upper-middle class America; a problem that now appears to be near epidemic proportions. Parents are being abducted, or at least it seems to be this way, because they no longer appear in family photos any more! Our mailbox is stuffed to the brim with photos of kids..only. No adults.

I am about to contact the authorities on this. Each year, over the past 5 to 10 years, I have noticed more and more photos arriving in Christmas cards with the parents missing. Where, I ask you are, these parents? Have they left the country, skipped town, been arrested? Perhaps they just got too tired of the whole kid-raising thing, and have taken permanent residence at a luxury spa someplace? If that is the case, I want the address and directions; I may join them.

Or maybe the kids, realizing how much easier life is without rules, have just locked good ole' Mom and Dad in the basement or attic. Another possibility: abductions by space aliens. At this point, I think anything is possible.

I have one other theory. I think some of us older folk think that we don't look so good, particularly next to our young, vibrant, handsome, hip and lovely kids. We have more wrinkles, more chubbage, less hair, or more grey hair each year. And, if we are honest, we hate the way this looks. We are so yesterday, last year, last decade. So, we just send pictures of the kids. Its easier. Its like we, the parents, the couples who created these families in the first place (along with God) are dead. Gone. Deceased. No longer relevant or important.

This bugs me. What is wrong with us adults? This seems so American to me. We hate anything that looks even the slightest bit, well, old. And so, we have taken to heart what Madison Avenue is telling us - its only cool to be young. Old = looser.

Parents of America, unite! Say no to the advertising conglomerates! Include your frayed, tired, greying selves in your Christmas pictures again. This is what families are all about! Everybody, all together.

You are not dead. Not yet.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, frankly I could care less about appearing older in the pictures. The reason, I didn't include my husband and I is because I gained some pounds and would prefer not to have my picture hung on fridges or seen by people who haven't seen me in awhile! I'd rather work on the new years resolution...and then,next year you can take the picture! Sorry, I can't say I'd change my mind on this one...No matter what you may say.

Unknown said...

Lol! For us, I never seem able to get both Jon and me and all five kids int he same room at the same time with hair combed and trimmed, teeth cleaned of yellowish gunk and clothing in shades other than clashing plaids, brash saying t's and holey jeans! :)

But I do have a solution. Schedule a wedding to attend in Dec. That did the trick for us this time. We will have a family photo with all members included on this year's Christmas e-card after all. And we look reasonably presentable, except for the hack job I did to number four child's hair when the Supercuts was closed and I took my Edward Scissor hands to his red locks. :)

Julie

Anonymous said...

You go dude! Preach it! Amen! Parents unite!!! Even in all of your flabby-nessssss!

Anonymous said...

It may be more philosophical, but to have both grown ups in the picture means an external photographer (or setting up the tripod and figuring out the timer...). This is our first year of just kids in the cards (and no letter). Maybe the grown ups will be off sabbatical next year :)

Muse on,
Eleanor

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