Update! Possible Pastoral Candidate Located

I am contacting those responsible for the new pastor search at my church. I may have located a potential candidate. I mean talk about emergent, post-modern, relevant, and hip. And he knows the words to "Tiny Bubbles"!

I think we are done searching.

Overcoming Unbelievable Odds

Something remarkable happened today.

In the frigid cold of Nome, Alaska, Rachel Scdoris, who is legally blind and just 20 years old, just finished the 1,100 Iditarod Dog Sled Race. This is her second attempt, after having to scratch last year.

This is just plain amazing. The power of the human spirit is remarkable. I love stories like this.

Time, Drudgery, Bocelli, Lent, and Mercy

I am 47 years old. For some reason, I find myself preoccupied often with the concept of time. If there only was a way in which one could freeze time, that would be wonderful. Oh, how I wish, rather nostalgically, that I could have frozen time when our daughters were little, say, at 3 and 6 years old, perhaps. What a precious time that was (although I did not have a clue how precious then).

My life sometimes feels rather rote. Same thing, each day; get up, pick up the paper, feed the dog, read the headlines (after finding my glasses), shower, shave, dress, drive kids to school, Starbucks stop, 10 minutes to the office, sit down, answer emails, blah, blah, blah.

Does the Creator inhabit the ordinary? Is His Mercy found in each moment? Can the drudgery of each day, in fact become something of Divinity being slowly revealed?

But then, there are these moments. Little epiphanies if you will. Last week, I stole (ok, come and get me, FBI) a CD from a friend's collection. I am not sure why I took it. It might be a quest, deep in my soul for something sacred, a longing for even a peek at eternity. Maybe to understand....time.

The CD you ask? No, not The Carpenter's Greatest Hits.

Andrea Bocelli - Sacred Arias.

Andrea was born among the vineyards of Tuscany, still an infant when he developed glaucoma, and rendered blind by a brain hemorrhage at the age of 12. Music filtering into his room soothed the unsettled child, and his passion for music brought light back into his life. He grew up and went to law school, but always longed to sing. Turns out, Andrea and I were born 92 days apart in 1958.

Music filtering into my car and my office this week has soothed this somewhat unsettled middle-aged guy. In particular arias that remind me of the fragility of life, the condition of our humanity, and the mysteriously great love of God:

Ingemisco - Giuseppe Verdi, Messa de Requiem

I groan, like the sinner that I am;

guilt redeems my face.

O God, spare the supplicant.

You who pardoned Mary and heeded the thief

have given me hope as well

My prayers are unworthy, but you who are good,

in pity let me not burn in the eternal fire.

Give me a place among the sheep and separate me from the goats;

let me stand at your right hand.

I still don't understand much. I don't get time, feeling like life is going through the motions, raising girls that are turning into young ladies far too fast.

But I know a few things. I know where I am headed. I know that this is not my home. I know that each day offers opportunities to care, to serve, and to reflect a life transformed by God. To build the Kingdom here. To aleve suffering, bring healing.

I know I have been given hope. I want a place among the sheep.

Its a Matter of Perspective

So, last week I am having one of my rare quiet lunches. Just me and several back issues of the Wall Street Journal (the world's most excellent newspaper). No clients, no office staff. Just me and the paper. Ahhh, bliss for the sometime introvert that I am. And in the "offbeat" center column of the front page, I come across this article, which definitely has my interest.

I find a link to this web site in the article. I visit the web site, and get nearly giddy with some of the ideas, concepts, and direction of what these folks are up to. Jesus, for the rest of us! To see who is behind this novel idea, look here.

So now, since, as my friend Rob points out, I have a less-than-adequate education, I need some of my more theologically minded friends to pitch in, and post their thoughts on the Off-The-Map folks.

Do We Give Jesus All of our Politics?

I know this remarkable fellow. Rob Asghar. He has lead a most interesting life. Perhaps one of the most interesting parts of this life is his convertion to a Christ-follower, after growing up Muslim. Rob has been a friend for about 10 years, and has never ceased to make me think, question my world view, and consider new ideas. Rob just doesn't fit into a neat Christian Box, darn it. But the older I get, the less it seems (I think) that even Jesus does not fit into that box I made for him, darn him.

I am thankful for Rob.

Recently Rob has been taking aim at a man I have met and admire; Hugh Hewitt. But the issues Rob raises are really less about Hugh, and are far more about the way some of us Christian folk think. Sometimes I wonder, is it American Christian, or Christian American?

Stuff That Bugs and Confuses Me
A couple of things that bother me. First, the "we have it all together" mentality of the Christian Right. While there is much on the left side of the political spectrum that I find inconsistent with the message of the Gospel, I do not in any way remain convinced that Conservatives have the corner on the sum total of all truth.

While I support the current military action in Iraq, Rob Asghar well points out that "national defense as an extension of Biblical theology" is something to be suspect of. For more on that concept, please see this. I do not have all the answers, but I do know a pacifist take to the events of WWII would have had disastrous consequences for world history. And I do think deposing Saddam was a good thing, but I am saddened by the ongoing brokenness of Iraq. However, if we, as a country are offended by the concept of brutal dictators, then why, please tell me, do we simply watch from the sidelines what is happening in Dahfur? And what of the band of loonies current semi-starving the people of North Korea? Do we simply invade at will? What would Jesus do....please tell me?

How about the social contracts we make in our own nation? While I bristle at an "entitled class", and the lock-step behavior of many unions, we Christian folk best keep in our mind the Biblical mandate of care for the poor and forgotten. Unsettling ideas that Jesus fellow had.

What about that City?
Christ described our role as followers to be that city on a hill. But how can we do that if we all look the same, act the same, and have the same politics. I am not sure. But I do know this, if I really, really want to follow Jesus, it means that I need to give Him all of myself, including, even maybe, my politics. The church universal has amazing things to offer, in all its colors and forms. I love Eugene Peterson's take on this:

We are......"here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill"

And so, what does our public form look like? Is it an army perfectly lined up behind James Dobson, Pat Robertson, and their type. On the other hand, do we blindly follow Jim Wallis, Hilary, and Al Franken? Do we all join the National Council of Churches, hold hands, sing inclusive songs, and equally recognize the wonderfulness of the Divinity of the Month?

I hope its neither. I also pray that whatever form we take, it is something mysteriously beautiful. That is my hope.

Jesus, Lord of All?

To begin with, if the image at left does not give you some form of the willies, then you might want to move right along, perhaps to another planet.

My friend Rob Asghar, born and raised a Muslim, and now a follower of Jesus, has some thoughtful things to say about the whole issue of conservative thought. Go, read, and then, please....think! What Would Jesus Do...indeed?!

I want to spend some more time on this soon, but life is tugging me in many directions. This is part of having two girls, age 12 and 15, and something else to do with the fact that the in-laws are visiting from out of town for the next 10 days!

The Lent I Almost Missed

A week ago tomorrow was the beginning of Lent. A time of reflection, repentance, submission, and above all, a six week season of remembering the most profound event in all of human history, the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ.

It began without me. I am not sure why, but by the end of Wednesday, my workaday life has rushed past, and I was not able to find the time to make it to a wonderful tradition of a Lenten service at my church. Early in the day last Wednesday, I even drove by the door of our local Catholic Church, and wondered if I should go inside, risking my Protestant coolness, and receive the imposition of ashes. A sign of my repentance and helplessness before God. Nope, I thought, I am not gonna do that. Wouldn't be prudent. Stay the course. I drove on, too distracted by my own life, and selfconscious of my own weakness to take a small risk, and step forward to receive a mark upon my forehead.

Somewhat ironically, the word "Lent" comes from a Middle Eastern word for spring. Ash Wednesday is a Christian holiday (holy day) that is not a biblical requirement (rather like Christmas). Nevertheless, it has been honored by Christians for well over ten centuries at the beginning of Lent. In the earliest centuries, Christians who had fallen into persistent sin had ashes sprinkled on their bodies as a sign of repentance, even as Job repented "in dust and ashes" (Job 42:6). Around the tenth century, all believers began to signify their need for repentance by having ashes placed on their foreheads in the shape of a cross. Even this sign of sinfulness hinted at the good news yet to come through its shape.

A mark. Upon my forehead. A little cross. What would our lives be like, our culture be like, if the cross would not wash off. Permanent. Now that would make life different. Would I behave differently? One of the reasons I don't have a Christian fish on the back of my car is that I am not convinced that my "vehicular Christian witness" would not be perhaps suitable to witness for Jesus at all times.

And so, I hope to take the time over the next five weeks to pause, to think, to reflect on Jesus, on myself, and on my sinfulness, my feet of clay. And to remember the last weeks of Jesus' life, the difficult road he followed, the pain he felt, the loneliness, the confusion. To reflect on his final words, asking God why he had been forsakened.

We are not forsaken, we are found. We are loved. I will not miss the rest of this Lent.

A Serendipitous Sunday

Today, my wife and I took a quick getaway trip to San Diego (work thing for me). We had planned to visit this church, where our friend is an associate pastor.

We showed up, walked in the door, and found out that Bob Bennett was the guest artist in the worship service. I have loved Bob's music now for more than 20 years (although he is not the typical hip and cool Christian recording artist), and find his music, for me, at least, speaks to the heart of the gospel mystery.

Alright now, I have very few things happen in my life that are sort of a "Holy Spirit Whacked Me On The Head" type of thing. But this was one, definitely.

This Sunday I experienced one of the most gentle, wonderful, grace-filled church services in a very long time. A drink of cool, fresh water, after a season of rough sailing at our church home. What did I learn? There is hope, great hope!

I am thankful for the Body of Christ, as expressed in the faithful at Solana Beach Presbyterian Church.

Who Needs Church?`

Just go read this. It says it all.

Building Community, One Dinner At a Time

This has been a typically busy week, which explains in part my lack of dispatches from South Pasadena. However, the past 24 hours have been filled with the blessings of a life full, with kids, people, and marked by a neat sense of community; belonging, if you will.

Tonight our house was filled with conversation and laughter, as we hosted the couples class from our church for dinner. We had the following wonderful folks, as mentioned by their occupations, in no particular order. Fireman, mothers (3), child care workers (2), optician, Christian education director at our church, aspiring musician and child care worker, special education teacher, web designer and aspiring film/tv writer, and business valuation consultant. This is part of our fellowship that is just starting and this a small part of the Kingdom. I am greatly thankful for these relationships, for their variety, their beauty, and the trust each person places to share their lives with us. May our love for each other grow, and may we grow to know the Savior in a way that brings grace to others.

Last night brought a sense of belonging in another way. It was Father's Follies night at South Pasadena Middle School. For the second year in a row, I was recruited by my wife (like I would volunteer!?) to take part in the "Dad's Who Dance" chorus line. Imagine 20-some middle aged dads performing chorus line kicks, turns, and other risky moves in a middle school auditorium complete with dropping balloons in the big finale. Its a night to raise money for the Middle School PTA; you have the basic concept. There are (thank God) no images of the actual dancing event, but we do have this image of Heather (age 12) and I after the show. It was a rousing success, and featured a variety of, shall we say, "unique" acts. It was a blast dancing with the other Dads, laughing, and making fun of our middle-agedness together.

Last year, during rehearsal, the principal commented to me that her motivation for this event was not about more raising money and having fun. In the town where she grew up, the Father's Follies had been a tradition for something like 30 years. Huge crowds came every year. She then added, "This is not all about raising money, its about building community". She was right, and we did - build community that is. It was great. May Father's Follies grow, and may our sense of community deepen.

In this fractured world, we need to be connected. We need a true sense of community.

Little Is Most...In The Kingdom

For the past couple of days...I have not had much to say here. But I have been thinking about some wonderful people who serve the youth at our church. You can go learn about them here. These are amazing folks, serving Christ by serving kids. Spending time.

My thoughts are not of much worth, but the thoughts of Henri Nouwen seem to fit very well in relation to these youth leaders, who give so much of themselves for others:

"Jesus is God-with-us, Emmanuel. The great mystery of God becoming human is God's desire to be loved by us. By becoming a vulnerable child, completely dependent on human care, God wants to take away all distance between the human and the divine. Who can be afraid of a little child that needs to be fed, to be cared for, to be taught, to be guided? We usually talk about God as the all-powerful, almighty God on whom we depend completely. But God wanted to become the all-powerless, all-vulnerable God who completely depends on us. How can we be afraid of a God who wants to be "God-with-us" and needs us to become "Us-with-God"?

There is much emphasis on notoriety and fame in our society. Our newspapers and television keep giving us the message: What counts is to be known, praised, and admired, whether you are a writer, an actor, a musician, or a politician.Still, real greatness is often hidden, humble, simple, and unobtrusive. It is not easy to trust ourselves and our actions without public affirmation. We must have strong self-confidence combined with deep humility. Some of the greatest works of art and the most important works of peace were created by people who had no need for the limelight. They knew that what they were doing was their call, and they did it with great patience, perseverance, and love."

Thanks, youth leaders at Hollywood Pres.

Not All Americans are Jerks

I am married to a Canadian. My wife Nancy was born and raised in Canada, and received her US citizenship several years ago. After the events of the past two weeks at the Olympics, I wonder if she might not want to turn in her passport.

Chad Hedrick. Shani Davis. And then, Bode Miller.

Americans all. Brash, loud, self-concerned. Disappointing.

Someone needs to show these people this word. I doubt any of them have ever considered its meaning.

But then, there are little glimmers of hope. Take Chip Knight, (go, read!, sign up might be required, but worth it) for instance. And then there is always my personal favorite, Kelly Clark.

We Americans have a ton of work to do on our humility factor. Perhaps people like Kelly and Chip, can show us the way.

Just A Speck, But Loved

I have this friend who is a rocket scientist. Really. He works at JPL, and he supervises the development of little things like this. His name is Dave, and he is a remarkable guy; one of the funniest people I know. I was thinking about Dave today, while heading back to the office on the freeway.

I was also thinking about Dark Matter. I heard a piece on NPR a couple of weeks ago while in the shower (we have a shower radio) that almost made me want to fall to the tiled floor in amazement. Or crumple up in a ball and hide in the corner. Or maybe run outside and look up at the sky and weep.

How is it that I am here? At this time. On this planet. Surrounded by family that loves me. But there are others on this planet that face such pain and poverty that they don't know if they will make it another day. How is all this? I thought some of these same questions 26 years ago, as I was beginning my senior year at UCLA. I stood of the verge of the rest of my life, having nearly completed my degree, and wondering what I was going to do after college. What would my life look like? Who would I marry, would I even marry in the first place? Would there be children? Would I make enough money to be independent? Would I be happy? What is happiness, really, anyway?

And these questions, along with some remarkable relationships with some good Christian people, lead me to church. There, for the first time in my life, I heard about this man. Jesus. And my life has never been the same since.

My friend Dave knows more about the Hubble Space Telescope, Infared Astronomy, and Dark Matter than almost all of the rest of us do. He can make a Delta rocket lift very heavy things into space to study things most of us earth people can barely get our minds around. And interestingly enough, my friend Dave has had an encounter with Jesus also.

This leads me to my drive home from my Mom & Dads home the other evening. I had gone over at the end of the day to check on some clean-up work we are doing before we rent the house out. It always feels sort of strange to wander around that now dark and cold home, with all the items from my childhood memories laid out - in anticipation of a coming estate sale. How did I get from that house in Arcadia to our house in South Pasadena, about 7.5 miles, over the course of the past 25 years or so. Who lead me? Who was I following, and what was I following? And why?

As I drove home the sky was quite remarkable. A brilliant sunset after a couple of days of rain. It was cold, brisk, weather that sort of wakes you up. And then, a song by Sara Groves come on the CD player in the car:

I've been feeling kind of restless. I've been feeling out of place. I can hear a distant singing, a song that I can't write, but it echoes in what I'm always trying to say. There's a feeling I can't capture. It's always just a prayer away. I want to know the ending, things hoped for but not seen, but I guess that's the point in hoping anyway. . Chorus: Going home, I'll meet you at the table. Going home, I'll meet you in the air. You are never too young to think about it. Oh, I cannot wait to be home . I'm confined by my senses to really know what you are like. You are more than I can fathom, more than I can guess, and more than I can see with human sight. . But I have felt you with my spirit. I have felt you fill this room. This is just an invitation, a sample of the whole, and I cannot wait to be going home. . Chorus . Face to face how can it be? Face to face how can it be? Face to face how can it be?

The sunset was stunning. My eyes filled with tears. I don't feel ready to go home yet. I love it here, with all its joy, and struggle, and pain, and wonder. But someday, I will finally be home, where I really belong.

Dave. Dark Matter. This life here, for a brief while. Jesus - God with us.

Amazing. All of it.

Geeked Out!

Oh my gosh...oh my gosh....oh my gosh!! I am soooo excited!! Forget the Olympics!

They have finally invented the most outstandingly cool and excellent computer game ever. I can barely contain myself......have to go out now and buy it!

A New Olympic Hero

Talk about character. My new Olympic hero, did not finish gold, silver, or bronze. Kelly Clark finished fourth, out of the medals.

But not out of the Kingdom. From Sports Illustrated:

After Clark, 22, won the Olympics at the Salt Lake Games she struggled with the expectations to consistently perform at the highest level. When reporters asked her at the X Games three years ago what went wrong with her second-place run, she began to sour on the sport. A knee injury the following season kept her off the snow for eight months. During that time, Clark attended a church near her Mammoth Lakes, Calif., condo.

Though she was unable to capitalize on another Olympic medal, Clark takes comfort in her new identity as a Christian. While close friends Teter and Bleiler were stepping up to the medal podium at the bottom of the Bardonecchia halfpipe, Clark stood nearby wiping away tears.

"I love Jesus," says Clark, who has the name written on her board. "[Being a Christian] is more joyful than all this snowboarding stuff."

Amen, Kelly

Big Questions

Here are two questions to ponder:

What issues in our world today do you think God really cares about? What are you doing about them?

Of Character, Dude with Attitude, and Girl with Cow

If you are listening, the Olympics offer many lessons on the human condition. Take for instance, two athletes, Bode Miller and Lindsay Kildow.

From the 60 Minutes interview with Bode Miller, we have this tidbit:

Does he think his partying has ever interfered with his performance? "Definitely. There's been times when I have been in really tough shape at the top of the course," says Miller. "Talk about a hard challenge right there. I mean, if you ever tried to ski when you're wasted, it's not easy. Try and ski a slalom when the gates are," Miller says, making a hand motion. "You hit a gate less than every one a second, so it's risky, you know. You're putting your life at risk there. It's like driving drunk only there's no rules about it in ski racing." Is he saying he'll never do it again? "No. I'm not saying that," Miller says.

I once watched a 14 year old get a broken leg at the bottom of the ski slopes after being whacked hard from behind from one of Bode's stoned compatriots, and it was not a pretty thing. Get fired up, America. We have another less than upstanding role model for kids on our Olympic team. And then, in giant Slalom, where does our role model place? Fourth. Poetic justice in my mind. He is already a millionaire, so my heart is not broken.

And then we have Linsey Kildow, who suffered a remarkable crash in early action this week, and after two days in the hospital, came back to ski to a fifth place finish in women's slalom. This, to me, is character, fighting through the pain, and coming back.

To top it off, Lindsay does not necessarily find money appealing all the time:

On Dec. 17, 2005, Kildow won the downhill in Val d'Isere, France, and with it came her choice of either the standard prize money, or slightly less money and a cow. She chose the cow package and named her new pet Olympe. "I'll miss her for a while, but oh well," said Kildow about her time apart from the animal. "We're not going to be together, but hopefully she'll be thinking about me." The animal is currently still in Val d'Isere, but Kildow has made arrangements to have it moved in October to Austria, where the women's team has apartments.

Which person would you choose to have your kids hang around with? I pick girl with cow over dude with attitude.

Downhill, Baby!

Alright people. Stop reading blogs, and watch the Olympics....

Preacher Sonny, Do It Yourself Church, and Me

The imagery and concept of submission has been something that has always resonated in my soul. I am not sure why. Perhaps it is because I feel that I need it so much, and yet practice it so little. I am self sufficient, Type-A, a "doer", if you will. One of my favorite books is "Undaunted Courage" - the story of Lewis & Clark's exploration of the west. Now there were two take-charge guys!

If left to my own devices, I would do most everything alone, on my own. I am an only child. Who needs other people, let alone a bunch of other people focused around, of all things, a religious organization! Church? Oh please. My friend Tod is talking about this some more, and I really like where he is headed.

And yet, I stay. In church. In a big old church, one that some camps have labeled as too liberal, and others find too conservative (perhaps a good place to be, come to think of it). And I have chosen to stay in a church going through crisis. Definitely not cool. Very uncool. And then to make matters even more odd, I signed on to serve some more in this church.

I wish, when we installed and ordained our leaders, we might take a cue from the Catholics. On our faces, pointed toward the cross. And then, rise slowly to our knees, knowing that we must live our lives as real people, transparent people, and remember that the cold, dark ground is very close, and will someday enclose us all as we leave this planet. Wounded Healers. Servant Leaders. Oh, that it might be more so.

Idea: Lets Just Hang at My House

Ok, so the cool thing, according to George Barna might be to forget the building, forget the coffee socials. Forget the nursery for the little ones. Lets just do church at ....my house, or the golf course, or the local coffee house. That is where the cutting edge people are. If you are really hip, and into the latest mod trend, forget the local church; after all, they are tired out loosers. Goners. Yesterday. Uncool. Lets just start booing.

I hope you have been reading Tod's thoughts about church over the past several days. Tod's musings have me thinking quite a bit. For me, this thinking makes the whole blog thing worthwhile.

One of my favorite song writers, Christian or not, is a rather jolly fellow from Whittier, California named Bob Bennett. A number of years ago, Bob wrote a song entitled "Jesus in Our Time". This song, for me, illustrates the depth of what the church has to offer.

Jesus in Our Time

Countless legions of the faithful

Crossing every generation

Hand to shoulder in an unbroken line

Lead us to this Sabbath morning

We humbly count ourselves among them

To seek and find the face of Jesus in our time

Though an imperfect congregation

Full of folly and of doubt

We presume to ask our questions

And we wrestle with their finding out

We break the bread and pass the cup

And try to bear each other up

There are those who are among us

Who believe they are not worthy

We offer you the Word of life

We bid you come and dine

Upon the mercy we have tasted

And the love given so freely

Come take your place at table now

With Jesus in our time

And as He promised so we proclaim

He will be among us as we gather in His name

To heal the broken hearted

To ease our troubled minds

We want to know you - to follow You

Jesus in our time

I am not so sure I could accomplish all these things in my living room, with my friends, on a boat, playing golf, or just doing coffee. I think I need......a church.

Heather is Twelve!

Dear Heather:

Tonight, our house was full of sound and fury. A gaggle of lovely young ladies came for your 12th birthday party. Screaming, loud hip hop, dancing, games, presents, steak dinner (prepared by the locally recognized "Chef Dad"), and ice cream cake. Nearly the best party ever.

Your 12 years at our house have never been quiet - and why should they!? You have never been a girl to go quietly into the night. You have a passion, an energy, and a love for life that is a remarkable thing to see. You have been a teacher to your family - in the way in which you approach each day - the way in which you love others, and are always a faithful friend. Our world is so much brighten for your living here. You have a heart that always wants to believe the best in other people, and that loves without judging. When life gets a bit rough, you rise to the occasion; your efforts in band and math this year have been great. We are so very proud of everything you do.

Every day with you is full of laughter, fun, and blessing. I am so glad that you burst into our life 12 years ago, and I hope for many multiples of 12 in the years to come. As those years come, may you know the great and deep love your Mom and I have for you, and you may know that we will always be on your side, rooting for you. You so rock.

Happy 12th Birthday, Heather!

Kelly at Fifteen

Dear Kelly:

Fifteen years ago tonight, your Mom and I were waiting. Waiting for something; a birth. Waiting for someone; and it was you. You weren't due for about two more weeks, but as we have learned is typical for you, waiting patiently was not your strong suit. You wanted to be in the world sooner, rather than later. Exploring, learning, laughing - and you have never stopped, since day one.

We had been doing a lot of waiting of a special kind. For 49 days prior to your arrival in the world, Mom's cautious obstetrician had put her on bed rest, as it seemed you wanted to come into the world even earlier than planned. And so, we waited.

And you came, quickly, with the healthy cry of a 7 pound little girl. One minute after midnight, or maybe it was one minute before. We're not sure, it was very exciting, we were rather breathless. Eyes filled with tears, and hearts filled with thankfulness. The handiwork of God, a new hand in ours. The doctor asked us what day we wanted to have your birth recorded on. We looked at the clock, and it was the 11th of February, one minute after midnight. So there we were. And here you are, 15 years later, a young lady.

Fifteen years later, I would not trade these years, these months, these days with you for anything. As a very wise friend once told me, "With a first child, every day is a first day". He was so right, I will never forget those words, they have marked our lives together. Everyday since your birth, you, your Mom, and I are facing the days of growing up and growing older together for the first time. You were our first baby, our first girl. And every day since has been a first. First child to try to eat solid food, first to be potty trained, first to stop using a pacifier. First to go to preschool, kindergarten, have a sleep over with friends. First trip to Disneyland, first grandchild in the family, first to go without water wings. First in the nursery at church, first to be dedicated to God. First off to camp.

Your tiny hand in mine grew bigger. For a long time, almost 10 years, your hand held tight in mine. But then, the grip became softer, and less frequent. Friends to see, places to go, water wings long deflated and gone, cell phone calls now to make. Life. And so, as life, and time, and faith would have it, I have lessened my grip. But know this thing, my love, and my thankfulness for you grows, deepens, and changes. Like the roots you cannot see of a vine that grows older, but continues to bring good fruit.

These days with you have been filled with wonder, joy, and mostly with laughter. By some Divine appointment, God has granted us with a very funny daughter. But also a girl, who now, at 15 years old, is wise, intelligent, beautiful, and sees life with a good sense of perspective - something rather unusual for your age. You have made great decisions in your friendships in life thus far, and my prayer is that the next 15 years will continue to be marked by the same wisdom and grace.

As we grow older together and apart, may our love deepen and change. And as you go forth into high school, and then the big world, may you know, deep in your heart, there is place here deep in my heart for you. May you find in me, as your Dad, a place of love and warmth, acceptance and understanding. We are alike in more ways than either of us wants to admit. May you also find.... Home. And in that home, may you find God's love and Christ's deep care for you. These roots run deep. May they produce the fruit of love, understanding, patience, and joy for you.

Happy Birthday, Kelly!

Gosh Its Hot In Here

Surely those of you older than 40 remember Hugo, The Abominable Snowman. Tunneling underground to Palm Springs for vacation, Bugs and Daffy take a wrong turn and they end up in Nepal. There they meet Hugo, who wants to make them his pets, and hug them, and pet them, and squeeze them and name them George. It gets hot, and Hugo slowly melts, saying, "Gosh, its hot in here!"

So, Christian people, is it hot in here? I found this item very interesting. Read more about it, here. Here is the website, and the signatories of the statement are here.

I have not found the location of the website from "Evangelicals Who Think Climate Change is Hooey", or "Jesus Would Drive A Big Ole SUV.com". However, I find this all interesting, and worthy of thought and discussion in the church.

Don't you?

On The Edge, Moving Back from the Brink

Perhaps I have done something rather irrational. I have recently agreed to serve a three year term as elder at my church. This is the same church that I have been mentioning here or the past year - you know - the one with the severe dysfunction and problems. The one teetering on the edge.

Maybe I should have applied for some other position. Captain of the "Titanic II" comes to mind. Starting a new car line - "The New Hybrid Fuel Edsel". Maybe a franchise selling space-heaters on a corner in Palm Springs in August. Arthur Anderson and Enron also come to mind.

When I first was asked if I might consider serving, my first thought was “should I serve as an Elder, or should I undergo some form of painful surgical procedure?” In the end, I decided to calm down, and trust what God might want to do. You may call me impulsive, if you wish. But I choose to believe that there is great hope for our church.....I have read about it being possible. Go, read.

That said, I consider service in leadership in the church an opportunity not for some form of semi-important title within the church, but rather an opportunity to, if you will, pick up my towel, and serve others. From my perspective, this is what our church needs now; those who are willing to serve. Through teaching, caring, loving other, picking up after parties, unfolding chairs, stuffing envelopes, running copiers, and maybe even......leadership. I hope I might be able to serve in this capacity.

This is my prayer. Lord, hear my prayer.

Bono, Bush, and the Beatitudes

In 1984, through a rather strange series of events, I had the opportunity to attend the National Prayer Breakfast. It was a remarkable time. This past week, Mark Roberts had the chance to attend, and has started what should be an interesting series on his reflections from the event.

The speaker this year was Bono, whom, it seems, is everyone's favorite hip Christian (but he needs to loose the orange glasses, no?) - even if he does not fit well in the mold of what some of us expect of an evangelical. I have read his speech, and find it very convicting. I also see very little in what he says to quarrel with.

Indeed, what if our government were to tithe an additional 1% to overseas relief? What should we do about the daily tsunami (150,000 estimated daily deaths) in Africa?

People of faith, perhaps this is not the business of our government, perhaps it is. But one thing is for damn sure. Its our business. What are WE going to do about it?

Of Many, Of Greatness, and of God

As I move deeper into middle age, I am often struck by the sheer mass of humanity. Today, unusually, I spent about two hours on the LA freeways. My commute to work most days is 15 minutes on surface streets. Whenever I have to face the freeways, my mind tends to wander, as I look at others in their cars on the freeway next to me. All the places they are going, the lives they lead. I think about the joys and struggles they must face - and it feels enormous. Too complex. How can God love all these people so personally? How is it possible?

My friend, Mark Roberts, had an interesting day today, and he writes about the seeming greatness of men, and the equality of God toward us all here. Amazing, isn't it?

Starting Over Again

The past year has been a most interesting one for myself and our family. We have watched our once-great church home of some 17 years go through mismanagement, confusion, and an emotional and painful split, followed by a loss of some members, a period of wondering and wandering, and finally, now, a chance to start over.

For some odd and serendipitous reason, I have become involved in the begining of something new. A new birth, if you will. On Sunday mornings, I am meeting with a small group of younger (definition of young which I hope might include me!) couples, who desire a safe place to grow and nuture their faith. A welcoming community. A new beginning. And even as I write these words, I realize they are actually a form of a plea unto God; may this be so with us. With our little beginning band of believers.

I have come to reflect on how precious this new thing is. How important this little collection of people can be. And ironically, how this links directly and personally to the things that Tod Bolsinger has been talking about the past several days. Just look at the words of Acts 2:41-47:

41That day about three thousand took him at his word, were baptized and were signed up. 42They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers. 43Everyone around was in awe--all those wonders and signs done through the apostles! 44And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. 45They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met. 46They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, 47as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved.

Baptized. Signed up (not: went out on their own to Starbucks). Committed (not: showed up when they felt like it, or the mood hit them). Life together (not: Bowling Alone). Common meals, prayers, people in awe, wonders and signs, wonderful harmony, holding everything in common (not: my OWN stuff).

Meals at home, every meal a celebration. Joyful. And people liked what they saw.

A church. Imagine that!

A Different Side of Hollywood

In the fall of 1987, a group of my friends from Hollywood Presbyterian Church finally realized a dream that was years in the making. But it was not the typical Hollywood dream that is glamorized in film and television for all the world to see. Not a dream of fame and fortune, or of public recognition.

There is another side to Hollywood, a far less glamorous side. A side of Hollywood that few see, and fewer care about. Just blocks south of the storied corner of Hollywood Boulevard and Vine Street is the heart of this "other side" - the barrios of Hollywood, near the far less famous corner of Carlos & Gower Streets. In this neighborhood live the individuals and families that clean the tables, cook the fast food, clean the hotel rooms, and pick up after those of us who are more fortunate in this life. Theirs is often a life of survival from paycheck to paycheck and the struggle of coping with a neighborhood troubled by crime and gangs.

The dream we began to realize all those years ago was the purchase of a Community House for the ministry of HUP - Hollywood Urban Project - Now named DOOR. The house was purchased, additions made, and nearly every year since, there has been a physical presence of the followers of Christ in this neighborhood.

This presence continues today. Shown above is the current leadership team of HUP. On the right is Mandy Updegraff, a remarkable young lady you now have the opportunity to get to know much better. Mandy has just completed her first book "A Different Side of Hollywood" which chronicles the joyous, painful, difficult, and remarkable journey in a fast-paced, fresh, and fascinating account of a young woman leaving college behind - and becoming a missionary in the inner city. Mandy's book offers us the first-hand reflections of a remarkable young woman, as she transitions from the insulated world of a small Midwestern college to the harsh streets of Hollywood.

I admit bias, but I think that this book might become required reading for undergraduate and seminary courses on cross cultural studies and urban missions. Prepare to have your preconceived notions of inner city life challenged, as you journey alongside Mandy as she confronts her own fears, personal demons, and ideals in a completely new world. This book is candid and sometimes raw in its description of inner city life, and tragically, in violent death. Prepare to meet remarkable people, doing courageous things for the cause of Christ. This is the body of Christ. Buy this book!

No Church, No Problem

Here is a great review of a controversial book, by a church layperson. This is in keeping with my previous thoughts, and those ongoing of Brother Tod.

Perhaps the church is not yet a goner. Good news!

Happy Birthday, Wolfie

Happy 250th, big guy. The world is so much richer because of your music.

James Taylor, Baby Jesus, and Kanye West

Does this picture bother you?

My good friend, Mark Roberts and I were walking back from the beach several months ago, our families in tow. Mark mentioned to me that he had a friend who he respected greatly, who had just started a blog. Mark said I should check it out.

I have been, and I am glad I did. Go. Read. Learn. Thanks Ben, for clearing up my head.

I Have These Friends....

I have these friends. Actually, several of them. They love Jesus, and want to serve him. They are serious about their faith, but they are also fun, and funny, and very loving. They are among the most generous people I know. They lead transformed lives, full of joy. I am very glad I know them, for they provide for me great evidence that Christ is alive and well, and changing lives on a daily basis. These are good people.

But these friends also think the church is, well, dumb, not worthy of their time or money. They think the church is largely irrelevant. Its a mess, a 50 car pile up. Forget it. So, they do their own thing on Sunday; some are in home churches, some not. Some just go hang with their Christian friends. Some have been church shopping, for years.

I think this is just plain wrong. And sad. Really. And it misses the point, the point that I think Jesus was talking about when he spoke of the abundant life, and the stuff that guy who wrote Hebrews mentioned about meeting together. Please remember, not a Bible scholar here.

Tod Bolsinger has taken up this issue over the past several days, and you need to read his thoughts in response to the most recent book of George Barna. If I understand Tod right, Mr. Barna, who I have followed and admired for many years, has given up on the church completely, and is now advocating for a form of "Individu-Christianity", or just being faithful to Jesus and doing your own thing. This sounds very much like some of my friends. And it sounds very much like the decline of our culture in general - and follows from the concepts described in Bowling Alone.

So, it seems to me that if you and your friends form your own "Individu-Church", or "Church of What We Think Is Cool" here is what you typically get: anywhere from a gaggle to a gang of people who are, in varying forms, a lot like you. Same age groupings, same income class, same ages of kids, same job strata. Same. Similar. Neat and clean. No mess. Read: boring.

And if you join a more traditional organized church, of the type Barna seems to think is a goner, you get different things. You get old people, senior citizens, grey hairs. You get some odd people, who don't normally fit in, and other needy folks who find much solace in a place where Jesus is very important. You find some unlovely people, and some unshapely people. You find people who might not be welcome in other places. You also get some rather silly people, that really get a charge out of being in committee meetings to discuss the color of flowers for the Spring Social event. These are the kinds of meetings that make you think about oral surgery as a viable option, if that would get you out of going to the committee meeting.

But you get other things. You get a glimpse of the Kingdom of God. All shapes, sizes, colors, kinds, and types. Its like Creation. Big, and wild, and amazing, wonderful and messy and in your face. You get to meet some of the most interesting, loving, maddening, remarkable people you will ever spend time with. This is what you get when you say yes to organized church. As for me, I like this option far better.

By the way, I don't have to be right. These are just my ideas. What are yours?

And to top it all off, what are we church people going to do on Super Bowl Sunday?

A Tragic Loss, A grateful Memory, and A Silent Epidemic

A couple of days each work week, I take off at lunch by myself. Its my time to catch up on reading, usually back issues of the Wall Street Journal that I have missed. Last Friday, I never thought I would eat lunch and read the paper through tears. But I did.

The little fellow raking leaves to the left is Simon Sparrow, who, tragically, passed away in April of 2004, at 17 months old, less than a day after his parents were even aware he was sick, from a sudden and deadly form of staph infection. From the Wall Street Journal:

What killed Simon Sparrow is a new form of an old foe: the staph infection. Identified as a lethal threat in 1999, this new strain is resistant to drugs and is highly virulent, responsible for 60% of all skin and soft-tissue infections treated in the nation's ERs. Infections can recur and ping-pong through families. The germ can penetrate bones and lungs, and the abscesses it causes often require surgery. In severe cases, up to a quarter of patients die.

Public-health officials see a silent epidemic on the rise. Almost 1% of the population, or more than two million people, carry drug-resistant staph without symptoms, according to an article in this month's Journal of Infectious Diseases by Matthew Kuehnert, a medical epidemiologist at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Carriers can spread the disease and suddenly become acutely ill themselves. In a separate study based on data from 1999 and 2000, Dr. Kuehnert estimates there are 292,000 hospitalizations a year for staph, of which 126,000 are for the resistant kind.

So why am I sitting at lunch and tearing up over the newspaper. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. The tragic loss of this sweet little boy strikes very close to my own heart. Our own 12 year old daughter Heather very likely had an early form of this very same infection about 11 years ago, when she was only 7 months old. Without a fast-acting doctor, and a wonderful hospital staff, I wonder what might have happened. We might still be living in the difficult places that the Sparrow family must face each day. I have prayed more than once for the Sparrows over the past couple of days, their loss must feel overwhelming. May God grant them courage and grace to face each day.

Heather woke up one September morning with a fever and acting very lethargic, and my wife Nancy noticed a red bump on her thigh. Something told Nancy she should get Heather into the pediatritian. That afternoon, my wife called from the doctor's office to say that our Heather was being admitted to the hospital immediately. I was shocked, but hurried to meet them in the pediatric admitting area. I remember holding a saggy, sweating, and feverish baby Heather in my arms in the admitting room, and silently praying to God for help, for guidance, and for healing. This was a real prayer, nothing pious, just a desperate plea for help. Help! For some odd reason, I knew in my soul this was the place God wanted me to be, right at this point in time. It was like standing at the edge of a cliff...

We were there for a week, through a hard fever, sleeping in the hospital, constant IV lines, surgery, and recovery. Friends and family came to visit, and Heather returned home after a week. The staph came back, in lesser forms, several times over the next several years, requiring more antibiotic shots. To this day, Heather does not like the doctor one bit. We are living proof that this disease is for real. I still, on occasion, have little boughts with this disease myself. Its lurking, in our own family.

This is indeed a mysterious journey, this life. Perhaps by calling attention to this, I might do a small amount of good.

For those of you with kids in the house, you need to look here to learn more.

Jesus, Warren Zevon, and Sandwiches

First remember that I am not planning on becoming a Catholic, although the mysteries of the Catholic church are sometimes appealing to me.

In her book John Paul the Great, Peggy Noonan offers some fascinating thoughts about life in the Kingdom of God, as she reflects on the Mysteries of the Rosary, specifically the Sorrowful Mystery of Christ's suffering. She reflects upon all the things that must have been going in the mind of Christ on the night he was betrayed.

"And he must have loved life. He must have been in love with life on earth. He must have wanted to grow old. He knew of heaven, and yet he wanted to stay here. Did he love the taste of bread, the sound of the animals on the hills? He must have liked being a carpenter's apprentice. In woodworking you can see the results of your labor, you can touch it, you can feel its smooth finish."

"I can't stop thinking about Christ, and his desire to live. What I think of when I think about it is the composer and performer Warren Zevon. Like the pope, he was a philosopher, though I don't suppose he would have thought of himself that way. He said something very true about like on earth though, and it is worth more than gold or diamonds.

When he was dying of lung cancer, in the autumn of 2002, Zevon did an hour-long interview with David Letterman. Letterman asked, "From your perspective now, do you know something about life and death that maybe I don't know?" And Zevon famously replied, "I know how much your supposed to enjoy every sandwich."

He knew how wonderful and delicious that smallest parts of daily life are. He knew wonderful and delicious a day in your life, or an hour of that day, or this minute is.

We're lucky to be here. And now when I think of friends and family and those I love, or those I'm just getting to know, I think, "He knows how good the sandwich is." Or "She doesn't know how good the sandwich is yet". But its good to know. More fun too."

As I read these words, I thought to myself, "YES! Peggy Noonan gets it - she understands a bit of the Kingdom of God as I have experienced it too!"

I say, lets make a really big sandwich, with all the trimmings, and lets share it - with the whole world!

Is It a False "Revolution"?

Ok people, there is a controversy a' brewin! It seems that George Barna, the renowned Christian culture research guru, has penned a new book, "Revolution". The basic premise is that the organized church is a goner - and will someone please turn out the lights on the way out? Sad news, if its true. Is it? I wonder.

Disclaimer - I have not read ithis book yet.

But, my friend Tod Bolsinger certainly has read it, and has some thoughts he will be sharing over the next several days. Most worthy of our attention.

Onward, Brother Tod!

Understanding My Parents, Myself, and Others

To the left is my father, a captain in the Army Air Force, during World War II. Dad was about 23 years old when this photo was taken. Sixty years have come and gone; Dad is now 86 (this past week was his birthday). He forgets things you told him 10 minutes ago, but he can wax on for up to an hour on flight school, supervising training at Chanute Field in Illinois, and air sea rescue missions in the South Pacific.

Peggy Noonan, in her most recent book, John Paul the Great, has a very helpful insight on what Tom Brokaw has called The Greatest Generation, and, if we are paying attention, to ourselves and others. In lots of ways, this generation was not so different from mine, and in some ways similar in the way they viewed things of faith. We are connected together with our parents more than we think. From Peggy Noonan:

"My mother, too, associated Catholicism with unhappy things, though she was not clear as to why. They married in 1947, my father just home from the war, and one belief they seemed to hold in common was that organized religion was for the old-fashioned, for hypocrites and creeps who would hit you on the head for wearing the wrong shoes.

They wanted to be modern, They wanted to leave their not-adequately lit apartments behind and enter the American sunlight. And while the church held little for them, other areas of life, which might even be called competing areas, seem more alluring. My parents were born at roughly the same time as the American movie industry, in the mid-1920s, and during their most impressionable years, in the late thirties and forties, when the world was most vividly imprinting itself on their young brains, the images the absorbed were not those of statues or religious art but celluloid images, cinematic pictures. And they developed, I think, an imaginative reverence for the images they saw. Their icons were not the Blessed Virgin or the Infant of Padua but Joan Blondel, and Bogie and Gable and Cagney and Bette Davis. We did not as a family go to church, but we never missed the Academy Awards."

And so, is there anything new under the sun? I am not so different. I want to be modern. I want to be in the sunlight of hipness, looking right, being accepted by others. For those of my generation and younger, we want to fit in, to be liked, to be popular, to be able to have things, to love, and be loved. This is a universal human thing.

Peggy Noonan goes on in the chapter entitled "Closer" to describe the process by which she returned to her Catholic faith, and her understanding of the Lordship of Jesus. What made the difference for her? Not religious ceremony, or art, or rules (although there is merit in these things). Relationships - these are what made the tipping point of faith difference for her.

And here we continue to stand, as the church, shoulder to shoulder over the generations, trying to find our way since Christ walked among us. And what do we have to offer of lasting significance? Again, relationships - with the Savior, and as evidence of his continuing presence here - with each other. Listening, caring, encouraging, building others up, laughing with them in the joys of life, and crying when the rain and disappointments come. This is what we have to offer, we are representatives of Christ; building relationships that are real, and make a difference for The Kingdom's sake.

Lost Video Of Jesus

At long last, a rare lost video of Jesus has been recovered.

Like, Totally Fight On, Muffy!

For my good friend, Rob Asghar:

- Cheerleading, tumbling lessons and camps since age 3: $30,000

- Annual cost of attending USC: $ 50,000

- Annual cost for staying just the right shade of blonde: $10,000

- Cheering when the other team scores: Priceless

The defense rests.

Good Thought, Dr. Mouw

Just heard this on the radio.

Dr. Richard Mouw President of Fuller Seminary was recently being interviewed by a newspaper reporter. The reporter asked Dr. Mouw what "would be your one wish for American Evangelicals; the one thing you want to see happen in the American church?"

Dr. Mouw's reply:

"I would just wish that Pat Robertson would shut up."

Dad! I Got a Goal.....!

If you look for them, life can be full of little moments of blessing.

This fall, our oldest daughter Kelly has started high school - rather a shock for her Dad, who still seems to see her in his minds-eye as that little girl who comes rushing for a knee-hug when he arrived home from work. Also this fall, Kelly has decided that she wants to play girls JV water polo for South Pasadena High School. She is dedicated, rising early in the morning for practice, and swimming miles in the pool. But, being a freshman also means you spend quite a bit of time on the bench. And its cold sitting there! So, Kelly's playing time has been limited. Not a lot of shots-on-goal, either.

Last night, I returned home around 9 PM, after a rather long day of work, freeway travel, meetings, and more freeway travel. As I came in the door, my daughter greeted me at the kitchen counter. I was a bit frazzled, and annoyed that my work schedule had cause me to miss her water polo game that day.

She had a smile on her face, and a glimmer in her eye I will not soon forget. I am writing about it here, because I do not ever want to forget moments like these.

Her greeting? "Dad, I made a goal today!"

I will not soon forget this moment. Thank you, Lord, for my daughter Kelly, and for the woman she is becoming.

A Day to Remember Where We Have Been....

....and where we need to go.

John Paul the Great - Part I

I am aware that this blog has resulted in the purchase of at least one book in the past. Stunning results. May I then, with my vast and impressive array of book sales, recommend to you another book? Alright, then, I will.

Peggy Noonan has just produced another literary gem, John Paul The Great. Buy this book, and be blessed and understand the heart of a great man, and the admiration of an honest, hopeful woman who writes of him.

Over the course of the decline and loss of John Paul last spring, I posted several thoughts about this truly great man. This book is moving on many different levels, and strikes many of the same cords that I have been feeling about faith, the journey of life, and what the church might become for a hungry world. John Paul had much to teach us, if we listened. Peggy Noonan listened, and reflected well.

Noonan speaks of a public audience she attended in 2003, at a time when John Paul's health was beginning to fail:

"We entered the Paul VI Audience Hall, an enormous concrete structure, cavernous and modern, like a big suburban church, or an evangelical McChurch at the edge of a city....People were coming in single file and in groups, hundreds of them and then thousands. As I walked among them, I heard the languages of France, England, Mexico, Austria, the Czech Republic. There were groups from West Africa, Germany, Poland, Scotland, Portugal, and Brazil. A Romanian chorus of middle aged women began to sing softly in their seats. When they finished, a choir from Bialystok, Poland, thirty young women and men, began to sing lustily.

Suddenly, a rustling up front. Dozens of tall African women danced in, laughing and clapping in floor-length white cotton dresses. On the hems were sown the words, "Archdiocese of Freetown", in Sierra Leone. They sat next to Catholic schoolchildren from Rwanda, who were clapping and shaking tambourines.

I thought: The whole church is here."

As I read this, my eyes filled with tears. The whole church!

We Americans have funny ideas sometimes about what the church is supposed to look like. I think when we get to Heaven, we are going to be surprised, as it will look, smell, and feel much like Ms. Noonan has described here. It might be scary, at first.

The challenge for us now, while we are here, is to work towards building relationships and communities of faith that reflect the characteristics of Heaven....here on earth. This will be hard and messy work, and perhaps challenge many of our conventions. However, this is work worth doing.

Welcome to my World

Tonight, as I was cleaning the paper-strewn floor of our study (the place where we have the desktop PC and our girls do their homework) I found the latest issue of Teen People. I immediately threw it in the trash - which is the rightful place it belongs, given its vacuous content that is fed to over 1.5 million US teens each month. But then, I thought better, and pulled it out of the trash and decided to see a bit of what might be competing for space in my 14-year old's head. Here we go.....

• What crucial issues are on the minds of the Editors of Teen People this month? Lets see:

Lindsay Lohan's Hottest Looks (Lohan recently admits to suffering from bulimia)

Top 10 Star Makeovers (yawn)

Jessica and Ashley Simpson on "why being there for one another is so important. (snore!)

Chad Michael Murry and Sophia Bush (who?) call it quits.

And the capper, an article entitled "I was Expelled Because I Have Two Moms". Interesting. Seems this girl was going to private Ontario Christian High School. Hello, two moms? Wonder if you thought enrolling your daughter there might cause some problems? Seems there is more to this topic than presented by Teen People. Not taking sides here, but just another example of Christian folk being made to look stupid. Sigh!

So, you can see, I live in a rather complex world. Welcome to life with teenagers.

Done Looking...Found the Perfect Church!

After all my musing about church, the search is over.

I am done, I have found it!

And, I get a pony.